The Man I've Always Been AND: Forever and For Always
by ArabellaFaith
Summary: After surviving the war, Severus Snape is lauded as a hero- and once more alienates the Hogwarts staff. He won't change, but his new student teacher, Hermione, likes it that way. AND, the sequel: Severus has finally gotten everything he ever wanted. What will he do when his happiness is threatened?
1. Chapter 1

***Update to clear up some confusion: This story is **_NOT A_ _SONGFIC. _**It is a normal ff, but is accompanied by a playlist that I have compiled, like a soundtrack for a movie. It is suggested listening that flows well with the story. Hope you enjoy : ) ***

**Hi, all! If this is your first time through you should know that there is a soundtrack of sorts that goes with this story. It is listed in its entirety at the very end, under the chapter title, "playlist." Each track or tracks are meant to be played with the corresponding chapter. They all have videos on youtube you can listen to for free : ) Hope you like them!

**Chapter 1- The Red, Chevelle (song for this chapter)**

Severus Snape had spent the last fifteen years of his life being the most hated and feared professor at Hogwarts School. But ever since the war had ended and a certain witch had brought him back from the brink of death, he had become one of the most feared and most respected professors.

Snape had preferred being hated and feared.

He had spent most of his adult life having to pretend to be cold, calculating and cruel. Somewhere in that time, it had simply become his nature. He didn't think of himself as a particularly malicious man, but warm or gentle- never. The coat of armor he had adopted in adolescence had hardened into a second skin. Now his face was more accustomed to a sneer than a smile. And damn it, he liked it that way.

Once the truth had come out and everyone knew he had been working for Dumbledor, putting his life in danger every single day to further their cause, people seemed to think he would turn to a fluffy bunny over night. The same people who had ridiculed and cursed him behind his back now thought that because his name was cleared he would suddenly want to be _friends_ with them. What rubbish.

After a few months, things settled back into a more normal state. This was both immensely better, and terribly worse. He didn't want to be hated, but it was all he knew. There was relief in the familiarity of it. After a while of people coming up to him and expecting him to buddy up and share war stories and him regarding them with the same cool disdain he always had, they stopped. The school was being rebuilt and he still barked orders at everyone. He threatened anyone who got in his way the same as he always had.

In the beginning, when he had first started to work for Albus, he had imagined the gratitude of everyone when they found out what he had done, all he had sacrificed for them. He could almost see the admiration in Lily's eyes when he came back a hero. But Lily was dead. And he no longer wanted the homecoming he'd imagined for so long. He couldn't be that man any more. The Order had demanded much of him, and he had given it. There wasn't anything left in him to start over with.

Another thing that was familiar and yet unbearably awful was the reappearance of Miss Granger.

The bright witch had come back to Hogwarts almost as soon as she was able. In the months it had taken the school to be put to rights again she had finished her last years OWLS, apprenticed under McGonnigal and was now preparing to start her first year student teaching. And Minerva, the old wench, had assigned Miss Granger to _his_ classes.

It wasn't that she wasn't adept enough to student teach his classes. Quite the opposite in fact. She learned so rapidly that she could watch him brew a potion once and then be able to replicate it on her own almost exactly the same. And his Defense Against the Dark Arts classes would be a breeze for her. She'd learned so much in the war that he was sure she had even invented a few spells of her own that she could teach him.

No, the problem wasn't her mind. It was that she had done something terrible to him. Something that had only been done once before, and he had never forgiven it. He never _could _forgive it.

She had saved his life.

Voldermort's snake had done her job well. When Snape had given Harry that memory, when he had asked the boy to look into his eyes, he knew he was dying. He wanted one last glimpse of the only remaining earthly image of the woman he had once loved. An image to take with him as he faded away. He had slipped off, no longer fighting the oblivion.

And then, he had opened his eyes again. And it wasn't Lily's green eyes he saw, but wide brown eyes staring at him with intense concentration. Her bottom lip had been caught between her teeth as she furrowed her brow and murmured words he couldn't quite make out. Instead of slipping further away, he felt himself being drawn back. He could feel her sheer force of will making him return. Her magic and her spirit so wrapped in the task she had her mind bent to that it was impossible to resist. And with a gasping, gulping breath, he came back from the brink.

And now he was forever in her debt, a debt he could never pay. One that would loom over his head until his death. He did not hate Miss Granger the way he had hated James, but the burden wore heavily on him all the same.

The next day would be their first working side by side. Snape was _not_ looking forward to it. He did not think she would bring up the fact that he owed his life to her, but he would feel it. And already it chafed.

Did she expect him to show her some partiality? Gratitude? Neither were in his nature. Sure he'd shown partiality to a select few Slytherin students when his job had required it, but even that had been hard for him. If that was what she thought would be the case, she was sadly mistaken. He would be no less hostile, no less dismissive of her than he had ever been. Just because she was no longer his student did not mean that they were equals.

As he passed down the dank hall to his private chambers he glanced around, as he always did, to make sure there was no one skulking about. Not many had ever dared to come down this far into the dungeon but he had secrets that he liked kept. The corridor was dark for a reason. He didn't need the light to see his way, and if there _was_ someone about, they wouldn't see him enter his rooms. One more look around told him no one was near. He pulled out his wand and ran it down the middle of the huge door. It unlocked from the inside, much the way a vault at Gringotts did.

Then the door swung open and he stepped through. As he crossed the threshold, he felt the usual shiver run through him as the magic alteration was taken away. It returned to the enchanted barrier and would glide over him again as soon as he stepped through the door on his way back out. He tossed his long robes onto the chair by the bed and went over to the mirror above his dresser. He so rarely looked at it any more. The face looking back at him was almost as foreign to him as it would be to anyone else who saw him at that moment. The grease was gone from his hair, the shadows under his eyes vanished. He looked younger, his eyes not black like everyone else saw, but the dark green they naturally were.

Disgusted, he pushed away from the mirror. He should smash the bloody thing. No one saw the real him. As soon as he went out his door, he would look like the Snape everyone was used to seeing. He sneered at the thought. Did they all think he was a grown man with no idea of what personal hygiene meant? Did they all think he had been born looking that pinched and dark?

Yes, they did. He had made it his job that they did. And for over a decade no one had seen him without that mask on. It had served his purposes to look sinister and menacing. There had been no one special in his life to worry about his appearances over so he had let himself become the beast he had to be to do his job.

But he goddamned well knew how to bathe. Just because his carefully constructed magic made it so everyone thought it otherwise did not mean he was a slob. But what good was it to be slightly less revolting in reality? Sure he could drop the pretense now. He no longer needed the ability to blend into the shadows or scare off anyone to close to him. But he wasn't a handsome man no matter how the light was cast. He was tall, his body molded with years of activity, but his nose naturally hooked at the end and his chin was too sharp to be pleasing to the eye. What was the point of revealing the real him when it would only draw more attention to himself and let people think it was safe to try and befriend him.

No, it was best to keep the idiots at bay the way he always had.

With a sigh, he stripped his t shirt off over his head, kicked off his boots and pants and went to bed. He would need all the rest he could get to face the trial that was Hermione Granger the next day.

This story was inspired from reading another Snape/Hermione fic that is still in progress. Learning to Love Again by Hay Bailes was my muse for this, and I'm waiting on pins and needles to see what happens next in it-you should too! I have more written and will be posting new chapters as I finish editing them. This is my first HP fic so please review, but be gentle with me! : )


	2. Chapter 2

2- Come as you are, Nirvana

Snape was already in the potions room when Hermoine entered.

"You are late, Miss Granger." he said slowly. "Were you my student still and not my aid, I would take points from Gryffendor for it." She blinked at him slowly. Was she shocked? Angry? Bewildered? "As it is, I will see that Minerva is aware of the tardiness and your salary is adjusted appropriately." He drew out the syllables on the last word, savoring the opening she had given him. She blinked at him a moment longer and then turned to look at the hourglass on the wall behind her.

"I beg your pardon Professor, but I am in fact half an hour early." She retrieved a piece of parchment from her bag and handed it to him. "My schedule as drawn up by Minerva." Snape snatched the paper and looked it over. She was, in fact, half an hour early. Damn. "If in the future you would prefer me available to you at an earlier hour I can adjust my schedule accordingly." She gave him a tight smile.

Why the bloody hell was she being so accommodating? And he did _not_ like the way she had offered to be _available_ to him. He shuddered and glared at her.

"I would have hoped that after the years you had spent in my class as a student you would have learned that the work that goes into what I do requires more time than what is listed there."

"I did learn that as a student, Professor. However now that I am _no longer_ a student, and am now an aid, I will try and be more attentive. I will arrive an hour earlier each day." She gave him that tight smile again and Snape had no more to say on the subject. He nodded slowly instead.

"Quite." He said the word softly. She said nothing more and stayed where she was. "Well, Miss Granger, are you here as my aid or do you intent do continue imitating a statue all day?" He gave a mocking wave and bow in the direction of his desk. She gave an almost imperceptible huff and moved to the desk. After she set her bag down she started to unload books and supplies.

Snape stood there a moment watching her. He had expected some outcry. Some declaration that she was free to storm out at any time and he couldn't stop her. At the very least a shocked and outraged 'you can't speak to me that way!' Instead she finished unpacking and looked up at him expectantly.

"Maybe since you seem to have brought half your chamber's contents with you, you would like to set up residence in the cauldron for the course of the term?" His voice was that same silky cutting tone that he always used. He expected her to flinch, to fidget or blanch. Anything. He had secretly been hoping to run her off, but she should at the very least still react to him in some way!

"Professor Snape." She closed the book she had just opened and looked up at him with another tight smile. She met his eyes and did not look away. No one held his eyes. No one. "If it is your intention to intimidate me out of your classroom, you are wasting your breath. If you are trying to insult me into quitting or begging Minerva to put me with another teacher, I can assure you it will not work. I am here to work and to learn from you. I am not the same ignorant young girl I was when last I was in your class, which I hope eventually you will open your eyes enough to see. You are _not_ someone I am afraid of, and frankly, I asked Minerva to allow me to work with you even though she strongly recommended I not."

"And why would you do that?" He asked the question with quiet menace, moving towards her the way a snake advances carefully on its prey. She didn't back down but instead glared at him stubbornly.

"Because you are brilliant at what you teach, because your subject always challenges me, and to be honest, because I wanted to spend more time with you." Color rose in her cheeks but she did not back down. Snape was shocked to his core. She wanted to...spend time with him? What the devil did that mean? Then instincts kicked in.

"If you are expecting we will become 'buddies' now that you have learned I am not the evil soul you always thought me to be, or that we will somehow bond over our shared trials you are sadly mistaken. I am the same man I have always been. You'll find me no different." He expected his words to dismiss her but she smiled instead.

"Exactly." She moved around the desk to stand toe to toe with him. "First of all, I haven't always thought you an 'evil soul.' Believe it or not, I spent several years insisting to Ron and Harry that you _weren't_ the bastard they thought you to be. And even when all the evidence pointed otherwise I chose to believe in my heart that you weren't. As to being the same man you have always been, that is a given. You've been through too much to change, but even being an arse you always protected me." Her breath caught and she looked down. "I will never forget the way you pushed us all behind you when Remus transformed. Or what you faced against Voldermort in order to keep us safe."

"You know nothing about what I have been through, Miss Granger. And pray it stays that way." He swallowed thickly. He wanted to lash out at her. To cut her to the quick. "Keep your thoughts of heroics and gallantry to yourself. I have no place for them in real life."

"That may be. So keep being the same man you have always been- I expected nothing less- because the man you have always been is the man that I have always respected. And you not wanting my gratitude or admiration won't lessen it any." She placed her hand ever so lightly on his arm. He could feel the warmth of her fingertips through his robe. It had been so long since he'd had physical contact that he let her continue the touch for just a moment. Just a little moment for him to savor it.

The looked at each other in silence for a moment. He glared at her and she looked admiringly up at him. Then he jerked his arm away from her and brushed past her. When he got to the desk he pulled out his cauldron.

"Somewhere along the way on your journeys you seem to have picked up quite the foul mouth, Miss Granger. See that you curb that tongue of yours while in class." She turned and looked at him. Their eyes met again and Snape straightened to his full height. "Shall I ask you again if you would rather imitate a statue or get to work?" His brow was raised mockingly. Hermione gave him a brilliant smile and laughed. Snape felt that laugh dance along his skin like a thousand tiny licks of fire.

"No, Professor. I'll get to work."

The rest of the morning seemed to fly by. It seemed that once they got their issues up front and out of the way they could work together quite well. Hermione really was brilliant. Even though she was not at Snape's level for potion making, she had other magical insights to offer that interested him. Of course he didn't let on that they were more than passingly interesting, but it did make the morning pass pleasantly.

Around noon a house elf came to the dungeon to announce that the staff lunch would start in a few minutes. Students would not be arriving for a few more days and until then the staff had the dining room to themselves, usually sharing a meal together. Snape did not go to meals that were not required. That included these little lunches. He had no desire to listen to the idle chatter of his colleagues. He also had no desire to hear the whispers about him. They all knew that Minerva and the ministry had offered the headmaster's position to him. They all wondered why he had turned it down. If he wasn't present, they could talk about their little mystery out loud instead of in hushed tones. Even Minerva, who abhorred idle gossip, had been heard once speculating.

Hermoine gathered her bags and looked at him expectantly.

"Shall we go up together?" she asked brightly.

"I will no be attending the staffs little luncheon. I will meet you up in the Defense wing. Do not be late." He turned away, but not before he saw her put her hands on her hips.

"Is there something wrong with the ambiance of the great hall?"

"Excuse me?" He turned back to her slowly.

"Or the food served there?"

"Miss Granger, if you-"

"Then its the company? Because I fail to see the fault with your friends and colleagues-"

"Friends?" Snape hissed the word, his temper getting the better of him. "Those _friends_ spent the greater part of last year, and probably the last decade, wishing I was dead! Unlike you, I haven't the talent of picking up useful and faithful friends easily- or ever." He took a calming breath. "So no, I will not be joining you and the rest of the staff. You all will just have to do without my sunny personality."

"Fine, then. I'll eat here too." She set her bag back down. Snape opened his mouth once, then closed it. Confound it, why did she keep throwing him off guard? He recovered quickly.

"No, Miss Granger, you will _not._ You will return to the great hall for your meal. Your _friends _await you." He sent a patronizing wave her direction, shooing her from the dungeons. Hermione stood her ground.

"Contrary to what you might think, I do not posses the talent of picking up friends easily either." She held up a hand when he glared at her. "Do you know what some of the first words I ever heard Ron speak about me were? He said, 'Its no wonder no one can stand her. She's a nightmare, honestly. She must have noticed she's got no friends.' We did not become the friendly trio you came to know and hate until after I'd spent the afternoon crying in the girls bathroom over his cruelty. That night was the Halloween feast. The night Quirril let the troll in. I got trapped in that bathroom because of what he'd said to me and how it made me feel. They came and rescued me out of _guilt_ and then befriended me after I told Minerva that it was my fault the troll was in the bathroom instead of theirs."

Snape stood stock still, listening to the story from a point of view he'd never before seen. Of course she had been an insufferable know it all. He was well aware of that. He'd told her that, too. But somehow he'd never imagined that those git boys had become her friends after insulting her and nearly getting her killed.

"Then we have something in common, Miss Granger. We have both had our lives saved by the very people who put us in the deadly predicament to begin with. However my tormentors did not 'make nice' after my narrow escape. Be glad that yours did."

"I am. But I know what it is like to be the outcast and to cover up your insecurities, your needs, your hopes with armor. Mine was how smart I was, how much more I knew than everyone else."

"And you think," he whispered with a menacing hiss, "that I am covering up insecurities and needs with my demeanor?"

"I hope so."

"Do I look," he stepped closer and dropped his voice even lower, "like a man with insecurities or hopes?" She swallowed hard and met his eyes.

"No, you don't. You don't look like a man who needs anything at all. But you're still human. And you do have needs. All it takes is just one, you know. All you need is one."

"One what?" he snarled at her.

"One friend." She sat down and immediately food appeared at the table. Snape fumed. What the hell did she know about his needs? He stalked to the other side of the table and planted both hands on it. He leaned close, caging her in.

"No matter how many lunches you force your company upon me, we will _never_ be friends, girl."  
Hermoine gave him a small, enigmatic smile that reminded him of the muggles oh so treasured Mona Lisa. Then she took a healthy bite of her roll and graciously offered one to him. He ground his teeth in frustration, snatched the roll from her hand and sat down to his lunch.


	3. Chapter 3

3- Disarm, Smashing Pumpkins

That afternoon they moved up to the Defense wing and started working on devising a whole new sillibus for the class. With the exception of the year Remus had taught them, Hermoine had never had a well laid out Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Thoughts of Remus brought a smile to her face. She was taking notes as he decided where they would begin.

"Not on page 394?" The question slid out before she could stop it. She gave a slight giggle and smothered it with her hand. Snape glared at her.  
"You think the signs and symp

toms of a werewolf are amusing, Miss Granger?" His tone was cold and indifferent even though he knew exactly what she meant by the comment.

"Oh no, Professor. But you seemed to think it was a great place to start, a few years ago." She flashed him a cheeky grin.

"I was trying," he drawled, "to see if one amongst you possessed the knowledge to see what was right in front of your faces. Obviously, my expectations were too high."

"I wouldn't say that. I knew he was a werewolf."

"You knew before that night he changed in front of you?" His tone was incredulous. "And you still went out there with him?!" Hermione nodded.

"I knew after that first day you taught the class."

"Why would you put yourself at risk then? Don't you value your own life at all? Bloody hell, what was I wearing myself to the bone for trying to protect you idiots when you were putting yourselves in danger voluntarily?"

"I appreciate all you did to keep us safe." She looked up and put her hand gently on his arm again. He blinked at her and inhaled sharply. "But even knowing what he was, he was someone we could trust."

"You can never trust a werewolf." He jerked his arm away from her.

"Who should we have trusted? Look back at all the gits we had teaching us Defense Against the Dark Arts. He was the only one with any real experience and the ability to teach us anything. Without what we learned from him that year we might never have survived." Snape started to growl something about him being there, but Hermione interrupted him. "You couldn't be there for us all the time, Professor. We needed to learn, and he taught us. Even Dumbledor couldn't be in all places at once. Dumbledor was your mentor, right? What if you found out that he had been a werewolf?"

"I- I..." he trailed off and then glared. "He was not, so that is a moot point."

"You still would have looked up to him and trusted him, because despite what life would have left him no choice except to become, he was still a good man. He would always have the same heart, no matter how others viewed him on the outside."

Snape snorted. He had the idea in the back of his head that she was not only talking about Remus. He thought she might be talking about...himself. What a ridiculous notion. He shook his head to clear it.

"Despite our personal feelings on the matter of werewolves, I hardly think it an appropriate place to start class now that a werewolf is no longer amongst the faculty. Perhaps we can get back to the topic at hand?" His tone dripped sarcasm that Hermione chose to ignore. She just gave him that small smile and started taking notes again.

The rest of the afternoon went well until they started discussing curses. They had traveled far off topic as the afternoon wore on, their intellects balanced enough to allow for evenly matched opinions-even if conflicted at times. Snape was pacing and Hermione using her wand as chalk on the blackboard to show him what she meant. They were discussing the curse he had invented, the one that Potter had foolishly used on Draco while they were still in school. The one Potter had tried to use on _him_ the night Dumbledor died.

"I took the base of the spell, and changed it. You used blood as a catalyst. It made the curse cause serious physical harm by slicing through internal organs and hemorrhaging. I used energy as the catalyst and it drains magic instead of blood." She was patiently trying to explain to him how she had modified the curse, but he was shaking his head.

"You cannot just switch out catalysts in curses! You had to have changed the root of the curse itself and therefore created an entirely new curse instead of changing the original. You did not do what you think you did, Miss Granger, though the end result is no less interesting. Not many can invent curses themselves." Did she simply accept his praise and appreciate it since she knew it came sparingly- if ever? No. Of course not. Not Hermione Granger.

"But I did change it. It all came down to the way the magic formed in the curse and-" She stopped when Snape threw his hands up in disgust.

"Fine, since you insist that it is the same, throw it at me and let me decide for myself." His words were growled in frustration.

"Throw-? You want me to curse you?"

"You said yourself that your curse would cause no physical damage, and would only drain my magic. I assume after my many years of practicing the art I will have a way to restore myself if need be."

"It would come back on its own after a while, but I am not cursing you!"

"And why not? Are you afraid to test out you're curse? Or do you think me so weak that I cannot handle a simple hex?"

"I- of course I'm not afraid to test it. And I'm sure you can handle it. But-"

"But what?"

"You have had more than enough friendly wands pointed at you in your life time! I will not be amongst their number. Ever."

"I assure you, when they were pointed at me, they were not friendly," he said dryly.

"Exactly. You have always done the right thing and all it earned you was your friends turning against you. I will never, under any circumstances use my wand against you."

Her demeanor, her certainty with herself, her insistence that she insinuate herself into his life infuriated him.

"You have to have friends to have them turn against you," he said coldly.

"I may not be your friend, but you are mine. You always will be. I won't do it."

"Not even to defend yourself?" He whispered the words with soft ferocity. She blinked and her brow furrowed.

"To defend myself? From what?"

"Maybe I have grown tired of you and your attitude, Miss Granger. Maybe I have decided it is time someone gave you a taste of your own medicine. If I recall correctly you once knocked me out. Maybe its time to return the favor."

"You won't." She shook her head adamantly.

"Won't I?" His voice dropped even lower and his eyes narrowed. She left her wand at her side, leaving herself wide open. The chit wasn't even going to try to defend herself.

"I trust you, Severus." She spoke the words softly, staring at him with eyes that pierced him. She took all the things he knew, all the pieces of his life he had hardened, and wrung them inside of him until he couldn't think straight. She _trusted_ him? How could she? Why would she? He was confused by her and it made him angry that she confused him. All his resentment at everyone built and burned inside of him until he couldn't stand her trust, couldn't stand seeing her there open to him, her every faith in his goodness. He had no goodness left and it was better that she knew that now. He would just give her a small curse- something that would scare her, not really hurt her, but break that thread of trust. He formed the words in his head-

The door behind them opened. Minerva stepped inside and looked between them, somewhat startled by the palpable tension in the room. Snape turned his cold eyes on her and lifted a brow.

"Yes?" He asked snidely.

"Its past regular hours. No one had heard from you two for most of the day so I-"

"You wanted to make sure Miss Granger was still in one piece?" The words rolled off his tongue and he gave a small smirk. Minerva had the grace to blush.

"Just checking up on you two." She ducked her head and started out the door again. "Oh and Hermione, dear, do let me know if you need to talk at all. We are a family here." Then she left and pulled the door shut behind her. Snape glared at the door. Family? It was not the family he had ever dreamed of.

"I believe we are done here for today, Miss Granger." He turned and opened the door once more, standing aside so she would go through it. She started through the door and paused to look into his eyes.

"I knew you wouldn't hurt me." She touched him briefly on the chest, right above his heart. Then she left the room. Snape slammed the door behind her and leaned against it as he tried to calm his racing heart. _I trust you, Severus._ Her words tore at him. The way she had said his name...it reminded of him of when- but no. He had shut off that part of himself years ago. She had said she knew he wouldn't hurt her. But he had been about to curse her when Minerva came in. What would have happened to her precious trust in him then?

He wanted to break it. He wanted her to know that he wasn't someone she could count on, not someone to care for because he would never care for anyone else ever again. So why did he suddenly feel like that trust was the most precious thing in the world to him? Why did he suddenly _want_ to be the man she kept insisting he was?

_Idiocity._ He was an imbecile if he thought it meant anything.

She was a foolish girl for trusting him. What the devil did she think she was playing at? He would find a way to change her mind. He would do something that would crush the fragile thread binding them together and things would go back to normal. She would hate him once more and he would forget the ridiculous emotions roiling through him.

But even as he thought it, he knew he wouldn't do it. Because her trust in him had reached out to him like a lifeline to a man who hadn't known he was drowning. And now all he could do was hang on as tightly as he could and pray it could save him.

**note** I have no idea how one would go about changing a spell's base, nor if it is even possible. The changing of the curse was an idea I had that would lead me into a scene I had in my head. If it doesn't make sense just pretend that there is something in there about curses that does make sense and read on to the argument they have after-thats the important part of that scene!

Feel free to let me know what you think! More to come : )


	4. Chapter 4

4- Heart Shaped Box, Nirvana

After a week, Hermione stopped pestering Snape to go up to lunch with the students. School would be officially starting the next day so she gave up and decided to make her peace with the fact that he would never be willingly social. It pleased her to no end, however, that he no longer tried to insist that _she_ go up and eat with them either. He still snapped at her over ridiculously small things, still growled most of his answers and still looked at her in that patronizing way if an idea she had wasn't what he considered "What I expect from a witch of your intellect." But that meant that he expected a great deal from her. And that in itself was a great compliment coming from him. She had started figuring out how to translate what he said.

"Do I look like I need a snack?" spoken with one raven eyebrow raised and the oo in look extended far longer than necessary meant, "Pumpkin juice and a sandwich, please!"

"Miss Granger, this might just manage to pass for decent work," with both brows up and emphasis on the 'might' meant, "Why Hermione, you did a wonderful job on this."

"Your hair looks slightly less heinous than normal today, Miss Granger," as his eyes widened slightly and his nostrils flared meant "You are looking rather lovely today, Hermione."

"Do not ever touch my quills again," said with a scowl meant, "Do not ever touch my quills again." He was still Snape, after all.

But they had fallen into a curious kind of piece. He was still himself, but he was more...well, more.

The more time they spent together the more she discovered about him. There was so much that he had kept hidden from the world out of necessity. Getting him to talk about any of it was like pulling teeth, but that meant Hermine was perfect for the job. Her parents were dentists, after all. The more they talked the more she appreciated his dry sense of humor. They understood each other in a way that neither of them had ever expected. She could even make him laugh. When his guard was down, one very well placed, very dry joke could make him throw his head back in laughter. It was such a wonderful thing to see. If the first year students saw him like this, they wouldn't be quite so frightened of the Professor. Which was probably why he made sure to never let them see it.

Hermione had plenty of time to watch him as they worked together. Out in the hallways or the courtyard, he stooped, shoulders bent in a look that reminded her vaguely of a bat. But with her, in the comfort of his class room, he started to stand a little straighter. She'd never noticed how tall he was, or how broad his shoulders. The loose robes left any actual physical outline to the imagination, but watching him heave huge cauldrons around led her to believe that he wasn't a scrawny man by any means.

She wondered idly once or twice if she had a crush on him. She respected him immensely, she trusted him implicitly, she admired him more than any living man. He was funny, intelligent, and unintentionally chivalrous in his own way. He wasn't exactly a handsome man, but then, Ron hadn't been vying for any cover shots either. Severus had a kind of dark charm. If it wasn't for the sallowness of his skin, the dark rings under his eyes- she might say he fell under the striking category. Not someone you would glance at and call good-looking, but a face that would hold your attention. To her it had become familiar, comforting. In a prickly brusk sort of way. Of course, it was hard to entertain romantic thoughts about a man who looked like he hadn't washed his hair any time this century, but Hermione had her own theories about that, ones she intended to test out sometime soon.

So did she have a crush on him?

Maybe. A schoolgirl crush? Hardly. She hadn't been an innocent school girl to idolize a teacher in a long time. And except for that unearthly ridiculous fancy she had for Lockheart, she didn't see herself as the kind of woman to throw her heart toward the nearest authority figure in her life. Was it a fantasy built around the amazing and selfless things he'd done for the Order and the entire wizarding world? Possibly. He was a wonderful man, whether he wanted to admit it or not. But Harry was a wonderful man too and she certainly didn't have any romantic feelings for Harry.

It was possible that she just liked him for him. Exactly as he was. Coarse, sarcastic, sometimes belligerent. The good along with the bad. She understood him, and that went a long way to realizing what sort of man he was. And the more she got to know of that man, the more she liked.

Of course, he would never see her as anything more than a brainy ex student.

Right?

That night, Severus checked the hall outside his rooms, and then unlocked the door. He was distracted and he hated being distracted. He was unsettled and he hated being unsettled. And it was all because of that damned Hermione Granger. She was drawing him out when he didn't want to be drawn out! He had just gotten his life back in order and she was throwing it into chaos. He craved her insight on things. He respected her opinion. And no matter how many times he repeated his mantra of 'she's young enough to be your daughter, Sev,' he couldn't help but appreciate her beauty. He never had been one to fall for physical beauty. But she was funny- damn she was funny! and intelligent and every so often he found his eyes drawn to the heave of her chest as she got impassioned about some idea or another. To the long line of her legs as she moved her robes out of the way to sit down. It was impossible not to notice her as a woman.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly and tossed his robes over the chair. A wave of his wand turned on the muggle CD player beside his bed. No one knew his perchance for muggle music- and he intended to keep it that way. The song that came on was _Heart Shaped Box_, a song by a strangely good muggle band that seemed to fit his situation perfectly. With a sigh, he ran his hands through his hair and paced. He needed to get a grip on himself. Just because she was being _nice_ to him did not give him free rein to covet her. She was a beautiful woman just coming into the prime of her life. He was older yes, but more importantly he was weary. Weary of life.

And none of the rest of that mattered because she would never, ever look at him the way he looked at her. Sure she said she admired the things he had done, and she trusted him. But he would always be her snarky ex potions teacher to her.

Right?

He pulled off his black t shirt and had the first two buttons of his slacks undone when he heard screaming in the hall. He froze. That voice- it was Hermione!

All of his adult life, Severus had lived my one cardinal rule when it came to emergency situations. No matter what was going on, no matter how bad it got, he always took a moment to analyze. Just that split second to figure out what was going on and what the best course of action was. In his line of work it had saved his life- and the lives of others- many times. It was what allowed him to switch seemingly seamlessly between roles as he'd played double agent. He never got caught off guard. Even in the midst of chaos, those around him only saw what he wanted them to see.

For the first time in over a decade, Snape did _not_ take stock of the situation before he reacted.

**note** I want to apologize to anyone who took my request to 'pretend' in the last chapter the wrong way. I assure you, I am not taking my audience for granted. I meant only to establish that I have no actual knowledge of how curses work and I am sure there are many dedicated fans who have done more research on the subject on it that I. Hopefully, what I wrote made at least some sense, however the point of that chapter was not what happened with the curse, it was what happened after they talked about it. At heart this story is first and foremost about Hermione and Severus.

And on that note, please review and let me know what you think. I will be updating as fast as I can write the chapters : )


	5. Chapter 5

5- Seven Nation Army, White Stripes and Through Glass, Stone Sour

Hermione was screaming his name in the hall, the sound echoing strangely- a beacon spell, he realized. No one else could hear her calling his name. If she was in trouble, why was she using a beacon spell? He didn't stop to analyze what was going on, didn't bother to make sure he was ready before he threw open his door. Hermione flew into his arms and clung to him.

"Severus!" She panted, her eyes wild. Then she stopped, and went dead still. She pushed back from him to arms length and gave him a quick once over. She inhaled sharply at the sight of his bare chest, his pants partially undone. When she dragged her eyes up to his face she seemed even more shocked. Severus cursed viciously, then conjured a shirt and buttoned his pants. She was still staring at him, jaw slack. Her hand reached up to his hair and he batted it away.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" he growled. She shook her head as if to clear it and then regained her composure.

"Death Eaters. In the castle!" She was still gasping for air and leaning on him for support.

"Get behind me," he demanded, already pushing her back and standing protectively in front of her. He pointed his wand at the door, waiting at any moment to see Death Eaters coming down the hall chasing her. Hermione pushed past him again and shook his shoulders.

"No, you git! They're after you!" She was shaking. Concern for him? He slapped the idea down. It occurred to him suddenly the reason she'd been using the beacon spell. If the Death Eaters had heard her calling his name they could have followed her right to him. He took a moment to acknowledge her fast thinking and then snatched his robe.

"Thank you for alerting me, Miss Granger. I must insist you stay here while I dispatch these idiots. Please refrain from rifling through my belongings if you can manage that." Now that he knew she was safe, he could revert to his old self. He wouldn't be showing any more signs of his fear for her, nor any emotion at all.

"I am not letting you go off on your own to face them! If you think I am going to stay behind like the proverbial little woman you have another thing coming! I came to warn you, not to hide in your rooms. If you are going off to fight them then I am going to be right where I belong."

"And that is?" He drawled the question out, already suspecting the answer.

"By your side!" She pulled out her wand and looked like she was getting ready to face down the Dark Lord himself.

"I imagine that if I lock you in here with a spell you will probably find a way around it or end up blasting down one of the walls of my room?" He raised a brow in mild inquiry.

"Of course." She gave him a slightly ferocious smile that he imagined could rival one of his own.

"Very well then. Come along. Try not to distract me by getting yourself maimed, please." He walked briskly through the door and she followed only a step behind. He heard her chuckle.

"I'll try. And Severus?"

"Mm?"

"Don't think we won't talk about all this-" she gestured to his entire body, lingering on his face, and back at his rooms as well, "later on after all of this is done. Was that _Nirvana_ you were listening to?"

Snape pursed his lips and was about to comment when two masked men came around the corner.

The blast of spells was deafening in the dungeon corridors. They repelled every curse that was thrown at them and passed back their own. In only moments, the men attacking them were down. As they advanced up the hall towards the main castle hallway two more appeared.

"I do wish they would come better trained," Severus drawled as he blocked a curse.

"Well we can't always face real enemies. Sometimes you have to bat the flies instead of face the bull." Hermione disarmed the Death Eater facing her and then knocked him unconscious. She was breathing hard but enjoying his taunting banter. It was driving the Death Eaters mad that they were calmly discussing them as if talking about the weather.

"True," he replied. "Oh well." He let out a dramatic sigh.

"One good thing can come from this, Severus."

"Oh?"

"I now have the opportunity to show you that curse I told you about."

"I believe this would be a golden opportunity, Hermione. Be my guest." He gestured with his wand to the last man in front of them. Hermione sent the curse flying and it hit the Death Eater with a small popping noise. The man doubled over and wheezed. "I thought it had no physical effect?" Severus asked curiously, looking down at the man.

"It doesn't. That is the feeling of the magic being drained from him. Physically he is fine. But all magic will be stripped from him for several hours."

"Clearly it is an excellent work. Perhaps we will have time before the Aurors arrive to study the effects it has on him and put an end to our disagreement."

They did have time, but only just. The entire staff was up and about by the time the Aurors arrived, Harry leading them. Hermione rushed to hug him and Snape felt himself glaring at them for more reason than usual. It took Harry a few moments to greet the Hogwarts staff. Then he turned to Severus.

"Professor." He held out his hand and Snape glared at it for a moment before shaking it. There was a wealth of admiration in the boy's eyes. Lily's eyes. His stomach churned and he dropped Harry's hand.

"Now that we have finished with the fanfare, may we continue onto to the topic of the Death Eaters?" He kept his tone cold and bland. Harry actually smiled at him and clapped him on the back.

"Of course, Professor."

Hermione explained what had happened with quick efficiency. After telling them about the man who would be unable to use any magic at all for several hours, all of the Death Eaters were hauled off by the rest of the Aurors.

Harry was the last one still in the castle when Hermione turned and threw her arms around him again.

"I've missed you so much, Harry! You must come visit over the holidays! Promise me you'll send more owls in the mean time."

"Sure, Hermione." Potter shrugged and gave her a lopsided smile. "Shall I tell the Weasleys you say hello?" Hermione's feet shuffled before she answered, somewhat overly cheerfully.

"Of course. And tell Ginny that I expect her to come visit me as well."

At the mention of the Weasleys, Snape turned in disgust to take his leave. Somehow in the midst of his budding friendship with Hermione he had allowed himself to forget that blundering fool she cared about. He had taken two steps when he heard Hermione's voice behind him.

"Wait, Severus. We aren't finished."

Severus gritted his teeth when he heard Potter mutter, "_Severus?"_ in a more than curious tone. He turned and glared at both Potter and Hermione. Potter shifted and gave another stupid grin.

"Well I'm off to make sure that lot get dealt with. So long Mione." He looked at Snape. "Professor." He inclined his head. Severus wanted to smack the boy upside the ears. And his hands were still clenched into fists from hearing Potter call her _Mione._ It was stupid. The boy could call her whatever pet names he wanted. She and Potter were friends. He had the right.

Harry left without another word. Hermione turned and walked back to Severus.

"Ok, so we need to talk. Would you like to go into the Great Hall? Perhaps the room of requirement? Or, if I had my choice, back to your rooms." Severus's breath caught until she said, "I'm quite curious to see exactly how that charm you have on your door works."

Of course it was only the magic she was interested in. What other reason could she possibly have for wanting to be in his quarters? But Severus was in no mood to deal with her. His stupid brain kept sparking with hope for things that could never be. He was feeling irrational jealousy, irrational longing, and it came out as irrational anger.

"It is late, Miss Granger. I was attempting to ready myself for sleep when you intruded. If you don't mind, I will be returning to my quarters. Alone." He turned from her. It was the right thing to do. He didn't want to face her questions, didn't want her any closer than she already was. Her hand on his bicep froze him.

"Oh but I do mind, Severus. I told you that we would discuss what I saw later on. My rabid curiosity must be appeased. You of all people know how persistent I can be."

"That may be, but I am not a puzzle for you to solve." He hissed the words with disdain.

"Of course you aren't. You are a very complex man. You confuse me and confound me and entertain me all at the same time."

"Entertain?" He turned and snarled at her. "I am glad I can provide entertainment for you, however-"

"Oh don't be such an ass! Just take the compliment! I don't mean that I am laughing at you, or that I am making fun of you. I mean that I enjoy your sense of humor and I never know what to expect with you. You keep me on my toes. And I like that." Her hand tightened on him briefly with the intensity of her words. She smiled up at him, that full brilliance smile that did funny things to his chest. He felt his lips twitch in response to hers of their own accord. It wasn't exactly a smile, but it wasn't a sneer either. _And I like that._ His anger faded. "Now, would you like me to start questioning you about your taste in music out here in the hall or should we go somewhere else?"

Severus snatched her arm to haul her closer to him and looked around sharply. But there was no one there to hear her. He relaxed a fraction and realized he was holding her close to his chest. With strange regret, he moved her away from him and gave her a curt nod.

"Since you insist on _talking_, we shall adjourn to a more private setting." He turned and headed for the dungeon. He could hear Hermione following behind him, could practically feel the smile on her face. He considered taking her to his classroom just to deny her the satisfaction of gaining entrance to his quarters once more, but thought better of it. He _did_ know just how persistent she could be.

And there was a part of him, one small, newly unearthed part of him, that wanted her to see him how he really was. He wasn't shallow. Far from it. But what did it mean that he wanted someone- not just someone, but Hermione- to see him the way he actually looked? Not just the repulsing mask he had designed. She seemed to see all of him on the inside, even the parts he tried to hide. He wanted her to see the real exterior as well.

*Thank you everyone for the great reviews so far! Keep letting me know what you think! More will come as fast as I can get it written : ))


	6. Chapter 6

**A quick note, I am posting this as soon as I have finished the last word of this chapter. If there are any phrasings that aren't perfect or repeated words, please forgive them and chalk them up to an author in haste to get her story down. : )

6 - Dirt (Hurt), Nine Inch Nails and Man in the Box, Alice in Chains

When they reached his rooms he started looking around to make sure no one could see him and then remembered someone _would_ be seeing him. Without a word he ran his wand down the door and it opened. Taking a deep, fortifying breath, he stepped through and turned. He held out his hand to Hermione. She stared at him for a moment, then smiled and took his hand. She stepped through the magic barrier and let out a small sigh.

"There. That's better." She said the words softly, smiling up at him. He swallowed thickly, feeling more naked than he had in a long time. After a moment, he turned and walked over to the chair by his bed. Out of habit he went to throw his robe over it, but hesitated. Under it he was still wearing the black t shirt he had conjured earlier. Would she stare at him again like she had when she'd seen his bare chest? _Coward,_ his brain chimed in. Determined to see it through, he tossed the robe onto the chair. Then he crossed his arms over his chest and turned to Hermione.

She wore a stupid grin that he should have sneered at. Instead he found himself softened by it. Then he heard the music and realized he'd never turned it off. With a wave of his wand he silenced it.

"No, don't," Hermione said, taking a step closer to him. "I like it." Severus rolled his eyes and with a flick of his wrist the song resumed. She listened for a moment and then gave him a heartbreaking look. "I think Nine Inch nails suits you just fine. But this song..." She shook her head. "_Dirt_ is one of my favorites, but I-" She stopped, shook her head again and then plastered on a smile. "So. You and muggle music?"

"I have found it to be...interesting at times." He kept his tone deadpan. Hermione cocked an eyebrow at him. She didn't believe him for a moment. "Fine. Pleasing, at times. Most of it is rubbish. However, there are a select few," he motioned to the player, "that I find less repulsive than others."

"I guess I'm just surprised that you even know about it."

"I _am_ half blood, remember, Miss Granger?" His discomfort was making his tone sharper than it should have been. She ignored it.

"Ok, music is a touchy subject. How about this then?" She reached out and ran her fingers through his hair. Fighting the asinine urge to lean into her hand, Severus held himself perfectly still. Her touch lingered, then her hand dropped. He could breath again.

"Why don't you have a seat and we can face your inquiry more formally." He gestured to the chair at his table.

"This isn't a formal inquiry, Severus." She took her seat and waited for him to do the same. "I am just curious about all this. I don't understand why."

"Fine, you wish to know why? When I was in my teens, I went through an unfortunate faze where no matter how much sleep I got there were dark circles under my eyes. No matter how much I scrubbed, my hair was lank and stringy within the hour. I was ostracized and ignored because of it."

"Severus, everyone is awkward as a teenager. Its part of life." Her tone was soft and soothing. He ignored her outburst.

"By the time I grew out of it, I was already started down the path that would shape the rest of my life. It served my purposes to still look like someone you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley."

"So you set a charm on your door that would change your appearance whenever you walked through it." She said it matter of factly. Snape had half expected she would think he just refused to bathe and never slept. "What?" She looked up at him, reading his face the way she would read any book. "I knew it had to be something like that. I'm not an idiot. Any man so meticulous about washing his hands as you are couldn't look like that without some magic involved."

Severus opened his mouth, then closed it. Finally he just nodded.

"I'm glad to see you aren't entirely without mental facilities. I wish I could say the same for the rest of the staff."

"But that only tells me why you did it before, while you were still working for Dumbledore. The war is over, Severus. Voldermort is dead. Why not stop? Let everyone see the you under the mask?"

"So that they can coddle me? Say, 'we're glad you don't look so terrible any more?' Try and be close to me now that it is easy to do so?" His voice rose in anger, anger repressed over years of being hated. Anger that in doing the right thing he had been treated as an enemy. "You said you did not think me to be evil before the war. That you figured out this couldn't possibly be the real me. Maybe those not intelligent enough to see that don't deserve to see the real me!" He rose so fast he knocked his chair over. "I despise them all," he hissed.

"And me?" She had risen quietly and stood behind him. Her voice was small. He turned and stared down at her, breathing heavily.

"You...you are different Miss Granger."

"Hermione," she corrected. He shook his head. "Say my name again, Severus. You did it once before." He shook his head again, but spoke softly.

"Hermione." Emotions roiled through him, paralyzing him.

"I wish they could see you the way I do," she whispered. She lifted her hand to his cheek. "You truly are a beautiful person." Shock, then anger filled Severus. He snatched her writs and jerked her away from him.

"Do not lie to me, Hermione. There is nothing _beautiful _about me." He paced away from her. When he turned back there was a smile playing on her lips again.

"Maybe not in the traditional sense, no." She gave a short laugh. "But there is something so...arresting about you. Inside and out."

"I doubt your 'boyfriend,'" he sneered the word with contempt, "would approve of you voicing that sentiment." Why was she trying to confuse him? What was she playing at? Hermione blinked at him, her brow furrowed.

"Ron?" She asked incredulously. "Ron and I aren't together. We haven't been for a long time now."

"Did you finally get tired of his bumbling attempts at magic or just bored with his inability to have one original, intelligent thought?" He smiled ever so slightly at the thought of Hermione telling off the little git. She looked slightly pained, and then admitted in a whisper,

"I didn't leave him. He left me." She closed her eyes for a moment and then twisted her fingers together. Severus scoffed. He was instantly defensive. Why was she lying to him? His mind raced with ideas of what she could possibly be trying to pull. Was this all just some elaborate joke?

"You'll have to do better than that if you intend to convince me that _he_ left _you_, Miss Granger." He spoke confidently, arrogantly, and yet...

"I don't have to do anything, _Professor_. Believe what you will. It doesn't change the truth."

"What possible reason could he have to leave you?" Was it possible? What the bloody hell did the idiot boy think he meant by leaving her?

"Not that it is any of your business since you've made it abundantly clear that I am not your friend, but he just..." She stopped and sat down. "We were just kids when this all started. It forced us to grow up, to face everything. Harry- he was ready for it. He matured and dealt with what he had to. And when it was over, he stayed the man he'd become. Ron wasn't ready. He matured because it was necessary to survive, but when he didn't need to any more, he wanted to reclaim what he'd lost, not move forward. I thought that he would come back through it. And maybe he will, someday. But in the mean time, he wants to be out snogging every girl he sees and having fun. I've been through too much to go back. I've seen too much to ever be a child again."

She dropped her head into her hands. Severus stared at her. He knew they had gone through terrible things. Thinking now about her torture left his muscles tense with the need to lash out. But he had never stopped to consider what they had lost. She was right, she could never be that girl again. She was a grown woman now, for better or worse. He wasn't surprised that Ronald had reverted. He'd been barely passable as an adult even in the thick of it. The boy's relationship with Hermione had always puzzled Severus, but before she came back into his life, he had never considered it worth real thought.

Hermione raised her head and gave him a rueful, sad smile.

"They say women mature faster than men, right?" She laughed dejectedly and then shook her head. "So it doesn't matter what Ron would think about my opinions on you. And it doesn't change them." With a sigh, she straightened her back and looked him directly in the eyes. Severus could only stare back. He needed time to think, time to process all of this. It was too much, even for a man who prided himself on thinking on his toes.

"Hermione, I am..." He cleared his throat and knelt in front of her. "I am sorry." She just kept looking at him, seeing him much too clearly for his own peace of mind. He lifted his hands, hesitated, and then settled them on her knees softly. "I don't doubt you. I just found it hard to believe that the boy could be that stupid. Apparently my expectations for his intelligent were too high." Her small hands settled over his and squeezed lightly.

"Thank you. It's actually flattering that you didn't think it rationally possible that he would leave me." She flashed him a real smile and he smiled back. "Severus? I think that's the first full honest to goodness smile I've ever seen on you." Immediately his face went dead again. Hermione lifted her hand and touched the corner of his mouth. "Don't stop. I like it." Slowly his smile returned. Not as bright as before, but an indulgent smile for her sake. Almost imperceptibly, Hermione's head dropped down to his until they were almost forehead to forehead. It felt...close. Safe. It felt intimate.

His body tightening in reaction to his first truly intimate encounter in years, he cleared his throat and stood. Of course he'd had physical encounters. He was still a man. But nothing have ever felt so intimate to him since-

"The night grows late, Hermione. We have students coming tomorrow and we should both be resting. If you'll allow me, I shall walk you back to your chambers." His voice was stiff and formal, too formal after the closeness they had just shared, but it was the only tone he could summon. If he wasn't formal his voice would be husky with desire. And that was something he couldn't allow her to hear.

"It isn't necessary, Severus, but since I am enjoying your company too much to cut our time any shorter than necessary, I'd like that." She stood and turned towards his door. Severus followed behind her and when the shiver of magic went through him signaling the reappearance of his mask, he felt regret for the first time. Hermione looked up at him and shook her head in mock sadness. "Such a shame," she sighed. "But still not bad." To his chagrin and shock, she looped her arm through his and continued on. He looked down at where her hand was resting lightly on his forearm, where their limbs were entangled. No one had touched him that way since- since-

Since Lily.

As they walked back towards her rooms in companionable silence, Severus forced himself to think about the woman he had loved. For so long now, he had banished thoughts of her. She was too painful to remember. To relive the moments he had spent with her, the way she'd made him feel- and just how badly he'd failed her. Having Potter in his class had been hellish torment. Having to look into those eyes every day...

And now, with Hermione, he was having to relive his memories for a far different reason. Hermione looked nothing like Lily physically. They were both beautiful, far too beautiful for him, but aside from that they were near opposites in looks. It was Hermione's spirit that reminded him of Lily. Her demeanor. He didn't feel unfaithful to Lily's memory saying she hadn't possessed Hermione's astounding intellect, because no other witch of this age could match Hermione there. Lily had been smart, funny and sweet. Hermione was those things, and she was brilliant. She was compassionate and rational and forgiving and had a sharp wit that kept him drawn to her.

They had reached Hermione's door. She spoke her password and the portrait swung open.

"I loved Lily Potter," he said suddenly. It was the first time he'd admitted it out loud.

"I know," Hermione said softly.

"You remind me of her." She could barely hear his voice, he spoke so quietly.

"Is that why you like me, Severus?" His name on her tongue was a caress, her voice as potent as a physical touch.

"Maybe. But not in the way you think."

"Tell me then."

"If every man has a 'type' of woman he is partial to... Lily was my type." His voice was rough and low.

"And since I'm like her..." Hermione trailed off.

"You're my type too." _Idiot!_ What the hell was he doing? He certainly wasn't baring his soul to an ex student, in the hallway, in the middle of the night. He certainly was not admitting attraction to a woman who would never want him the same way. No, of course not. Severus Snape would never do such a stupid thing. And yet the words were out and he could not take them back. He whirled around, prepared to storm back to his dungeons and never say another word to the woman not relating to class work.

She stopped him with a soft touch on his shoulder.

"Wait," she whispered. He turned, fighting himself. She stood up on her toes, face level with his. Her mouth was close by his ear and he could feel her breath against his skin. His eyes closed in unbelievable pleasure. "Good night, Severus." She whispered the words, each one a drug to his system. Then she turned her head and kissed him ever so lightly on the corner of his mouth.

Without another word she went through her door. The portrait swung shut noislessly.


	7. Chapter 7

****This is a short little chunk, because I have to go to work now but I couldn't just leave you guys hanging after that last scene! More will come late tonight/early tomorrow : )

7 - Change, Deftones

Severus walked back to his rooms wondering what the hell had just happened. His hand came up to touch the place where her lips had brushed against him. What did it mean? He'd admitted to her that he was attracted to her and her response had been to kiss him.

_On the cheek, you daft git._ It didn't mean anything. He'd shared a personal secret and she had reacted compassionately. That was all. But she hadn't rebuffed him. Earlier, when they were talking, she'd called him...beautiful. Inside and out. He shook his head. It wasn't true at all. He was as twisted and black inside as he was on the outside. But she was bringing out the light in him. Slowly she was drawing out the pieces of himself that he'd buried so long ago. The things he'd had to deaden in order to survive.

He'd decided that he couldn't change back. There was nothing left of that man he'd been. And they didn't deserve it from him. They had all hated him. Why should he change?

But with Hermione, she saw him for who he was. Without changing himself at all, she saw inside of him. She understood. _She understood_. Why he was the way he was. She didn't ask him to change. She simply asked why. And she respected his decision. If she'd tried to force him, if she'd cajoled or urged, he probably would have thrown her out of his rooms. Instead she had accepted his answer and said she wished others could see him the way she saw him. She'd said it was a shame when the spell had put his mask back on. But she hadn't looked at him in disgust or asked him to remove it.

She simply accepted him. Just the way he was. Just the way he'd always been.

Severus laid awake in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. As dawn approached and his mind flirted with unconsciousness, the thought passed through his mind that a whole new world of possibilities had just opened up to him.

The next morning the castle was in a flurry of activity. Students were arriving and staff rushed about making sure every last minute preparation was completed. Severus did not get a chance to see Hermione until the start of term banquet.

They were sat next to each other for the meal. Minerva gave a compelling speech, even by Severus' standards, and the sorting hat went through the first year students.

As it did, he had time to consider Hermione and her status as a Gryffendor. Your house status did not just end because you graduated. It was a life long part of who you are. Severus had no particular grievance with Godric Gryffendor. The fact that his house had produced a pack of cruel, stupid ingrates the year Severus started was not the founder's fault. Old animosities died hard- if ever. He had hated all Gryffendors since then. But he certainly did not hate Hermione, and she belonged in that house.

What a Slytherin she would have made though!

Was it his imagination or did her knee brush against his a little more often than usual? Surely she was looking across him at Minerva or that oaf Hagrid and it wasn't him her eyes were straying to so often. When he turned and caught her eye, she gave him her full brilliant smile. He swallowed and turned away.

It was foolish nonsense. There was nothing there. There never would be. He was kidding himself if he thought she was thinking of him the way he was thinking of her. He would just have to ignore the small touches, the furtive smiles, since his brain was no longer capable of rational thought when it came to her.

At the end of the banquet they stood across the hall from each other while the students dispursed. Once they had cleared the hall, he gave her a slight incline of his head and turned back to his own rooms.

In bed again that night he could not control his unconscious thoughts. As he drifted, Hermione flitted through his mind like a butterfly. She was beautiful, delicate, elusive.

In the morning, Hermione was already in the potions room when he entered it. She stood up and opened her mouth to speak but a student came in and she stopped. Within moments the class had filled up and Snape started to teach. He could see her shaker her head every time he made a snide comment about a stupid answer to a question, every time he snarled at a student for talking in class. When he complimented a young Gryffendor -in his own way, of course- on her knowledge of a potion Severus saw Hermione grinning at him broadly. He scowled back. Her smile didn't falter. If anything, it widened.

For the next week, they maintained a delicate balance. Severus kept himself in check around her, his mind and body firmly under control whenever she was around. They spoke of matters relating to the students or their work. But at night, he couldn't control his treacherous mind. He dreamed of her. Every night he was unable to escape her allure. Which made him all the more angry in his waking hours. He couldn't drive the lustful, suggestive thoughts from his brain.

They hadn't had a chance for any more in depth discussions, which he assumed was probably for the best. Since he couldn't seem to check his tongue around her, it was better that he not be tempted at all. And what a temptation she was.

At the end of the second week of the term, however, Hermione had had enough. She was through tip toeing around. If Severus was content to leave things where they stood, that was fine for him, but she _wasn't._ And she was going to make sure he knew exactly how she felt on the matter.


	8. Chapter 8

**In repayment for the wait, you are getting an extra long chapter! Warning in advance, there are the beginnings of a sexual scene at the end of this chapter ; ))

Also I would just like to thank all of you for allowing me to give Snape a partiality to 'muggle' music, without anyone yelling at me for it lol. I'm a bit of a music nut myself and I find it hard to believe that no one in the wizarding world, even Snape- especially Snape!- would like our music. And he just seemed like a guy who would apreciate Nirvana and NIN. There may even be an appearance of Three Days Grace in the next chapter!

Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. And of course, review and let me know what you think!

8 - Sober, Tool and Something I can Never Have, Nine Inch Nails

There was a sort of holiday in the castle that day. It was the first visit to Hogsmead of the year for the older student, and Minerva had orchestrated an assembly of sorts for the younger students so they would not be left out.

Of course, she had asked Snape if he would like to join in the festivities. Which he had somewhat less than politley declined. He was surprised, however, that Hermione had refrained as well. He'd assumed it was just the kind of thing she would jump at.

Instead, at around noon she arrived in the potions classroom where he was doing some reading.

"Severus," she greeted as she entered.

"Hermione," he drawled back. He couldn't help the way his eyes flicked up an down over her, perusing her body. He resented the resulting jolt of pleasure, but couldn't deny it. She wasn't in her usual robes, instead in a perfectly sensible, perfectly respectable dress of dark green that set his blood on fire. Was he ridiculous to even entertain the idea that she'd worn it solely to please him? Of course. But the idea still flitted across his mind. "What can I help you with," he asked before his wayward thoughts got the better of him.

"Its lunch time," she said simply. She walked over to his desk, taking a chair from one of the lab tables as she came. Then she began wordlessly stacking up his books and supplies while he blinked at her.

"Your point is?" He asked the question blandly, firmly removing the book he had been reading from her hands. She pushed the stack she'd just made off to the side and sat down decisively. Food appeared on the desk immediately.

"I've missed our lunches together, so I decided to come down for one, whether you wanted me to or not."

"Hermione, we have lunch together every day," he pointed out with a sigh. She shook her head, eyes snapping fire.

"You know exactly what I mean, Severus Snape. You've been avoiding me for weeks now and I'm done letting you!"

"And what makes you think," he said mildly as he rose from his seat, "that I am avoiding you?" he turned his back to her and slid the book onto its shelf. Had he been so obvious in his attempt to stay away from temptation?

"I won't insult your intelligence by answering that. You know the answer."

"Did it ever occur to you, then, that the best course of action might be to abide by my wishes and stay away from me?"

"No."

"No?" He hissed the word, his back still to her, his eyes squeezed shut as if to block her out. Why wouldn't she just go away?

"Damnit, I have had enough of this!" She slammed her cup down on the table and pushed to her feet. He could feel her storm up to his back to square off with him but still he refused to turn.

"Temper temper, Hermione," he admonished mockingly, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes, I have a temper! But at least I'm not a coward!"

Severus froze as if she'd struck him.

"What did you call me?" His voice held a deadly menace. The whisper would have quailed any other person.

"A coward! Are you that mad at me that I kissed you? Why can't you just tell me to my face? Have the decency to tell me that you don't feel the same way about me that I do about you!" She put her hand on his shoulder and forced him to face her. His mind whirled, not having enough time to process what she was saying. How she felt about him? He spoke through clenched teeth.

"Is that what you think?

"What else am I supposed to think?"

"What possible reason could I have to be mad at you for kissing me?"

"I don't know! Except that I showed you that I cared about you showed physical affection and either you found it so repulsive that you couldn't face me again or- or-" She drew in a shuddering breath. "Or you feel so undeserving of it that you rejected it and are angry at me for making you feel that way." She searched his face as if she would find the answer there. She knew him so well that she often did. But Severus himself didn't know the exact answer. Of course he hadn't found her kiss repulsive. He'd been pathetically fantasizing about it every night since it had happened. Was it possible that she really did care about him and he just couldn't accept it?

No. It wasn't true. It couldn't be.

"You do _not_ care about me, Hermione."

"How the hell would you know?!" She was practically screaming, shaking with her turbulent emotions.

"I told you before, I am the same man I have always been. I'm not some romantic hero you can tame and lead around for others to pat on the head!" He snarled the words at her. Hermione threw her hands up in disgust.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I _like_ you the way you are!" What can I do to convince you that I- that I-" She curled her hands into fists.

"That you _what,_" he sneered.

"That I love you, you idiot!" She turned to storm out of the room but he was behind her in an instant, strong hands wrapped tightly around her arms. He pulled her back against his chest and leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"What did you just say?" His tone was incredulous. He hadn't- he hadn't just heard what he though he'd heard. It was impossible. He was mistaken-

"I'm in love with you," she repeated miserably. Shock crashed into him like pounding waves against a rock. "I"m in love with a man who won't even talk to me any more than he has to because I made the mistake of kissing him."

"You can't be in love with me, Hermione." His voice sounded so sure, and yet so lost. "You can't."

"Why can't I?" She turned in his arms and looked up at him, her eyes searching his.

"You can't," he repeated. His words were broken, his body tense. What the hell was going on? He simply could not comprehend what she was telling him. It couldn't be.

"Is that all you have to say? Is that why you can barely speak to me any more? You won't believe what I feel for you? Well don't worry about it any more, Severus. I've learned my lesson. If felling you how I feel and showing you that I want you will cost me your friendship, its not worth it. I'll never make the mistake of kissing-"

Severus cut her off as, with a growl, he covered her mouth with his. It was neither gentle nor tender, it wasn't soft or searching. It was hard and hot and insistent. He held her head still while pressing her closer, one hand tangled in her thick hair and the other on her lower back.

His tongue brushed hers, invaded and explored. He groaned and deepened the kiss more, arms tighter around her and lifting until she stood on her toes as he took her mouth.

Almost as abruptly as he started, he broke the kiss off.

"Quit saying that kissing me was a bloody mistake," he growled. "Unless you think it was. Because I certainly do not."

Hermione just stared up at him in dazed wonder.

"Sure, Sev. Whatever you say." Her smile was vibrant and beautiful. She looked immensely pleased with herself, with him, with the whole situation.

"Stop looking at me like that," he said, still not releasing her from his arms.

"Like what?"

"Like the cat who caught the canary, as the muggles say."

"Maybe its how I feel."

"If anyone here has been caught, Hermione, it is you." His arms tightened around her ever so slightly more. It was only just not painful. He stared down at her, looking into her eyes and then at her kiss swollen lips. What the hell did he think he was doing? He shouldn't be kissing her. He shouldn't be anywhere near her.

But-

But she loved him.

She fucking loved him!

He'd gone his entire life never knowing what it felt like to be truly loved by someone. Romantically loved, physically desired. Was this what it felt like? Was it like this for everyone?

Hermione rubbed her face against his chest. Her arms went around him, hugging him.

"As long as you're the one doing the catching, I don't mind being caught one little bit, Severus."

"And you are certainly a pleasure to catch, Hermione." He gave her a sardonic smile.

"Do you truly mean that?" She sounded so unsure, so insecure that he had to laugh.

"Have you seen a mirror latley, Hermione? You have to know you are beautiful. Not to mention more than one person has called you the brightest witch of our age. And the fact that you are capable of loving me means that you are the most selfless person in the-" Hermione gave him a light slap on his chest.

"I think the fact that I am capable of loving you makes me the smartest person." She huffed prettily.

"Think what you will, but you must know you are more than any man could dream of."

"I've never exactly been what a man wants physically," she murmured. She buried her face against his chest again. He could tell without even looking that her cheeks were flaming.

"You're going to make me spell it out for you, aren't you?" he muttered disgustedly.

"What?" Her question died on her lips when he dropped both hands to her lower back and pressed her against his hips. The proximity with her, along with their kiss had left the physical evidence of his arousal throbbing hard. "Oh!" Her eyes flew up to his, wide with surprise.

"You're making me feel like a lecherous old man," he growled.

"You're making me feel desirable," she returned sweetly. "So...you do want me?" In answer Severus pulled her close again and raised a brow. He nearly groaned when she stood up on tip toe, her body still pressed so close to him that it felt like a stroke along the length of his erection. She pressed her lips against his lightly. He let out a shuddering breath and pushed her back from him gently.

"Hermione," he started. His brain was still muddled, clouded with lust. He shook his head and started again. "Hermione, we have to stop." She moved to step back into his arms and he kept her back.

"Why?" she asked breathlessly.

"Why?" His voice dropped an octave as he spoke his next words. "I am old enough to be your father, Hermione."

"So?" she demanded. He looked over her shoulder at the wall, refusing to meet her gaze. It was the right thing to do.

Right?

"Do you care about me, Severus?"

"Of course I-" He was already shaking his head when she cut him off.

"I am a consenting adult. You are too, I assume." She gave a small chuckle. "I see no problem with it."

"You can't honestly want a physical relationship with me, Hermione."

She didn't reply to his statement with words. She bit her lip slowly, seductivley. Her hands slipped inside his robe and under his t shirt. She curled her fingers slightly, her nails dragging ever so lightly against his skin. Down, over his chest, his stomach, and down to his hips. When she made it to the waist band of his pants Severus was nearly catatonic with pleasure. What would it feel like to have those nails score his back? She hooked her fingers just inside the fabric of his pants.

"Can't I?" Her voice was husky with desire.

"Hermione," her name was a groan on his lips. A prayer. A benediction. A plea.

"Take me somewhere more private, Severus." He looked down at her, still torn. "Right now. Or I will have my way with you right here." Still, he hesitated. He did not want to deny himself this pleasure. But at what cost to her? Could he trust her certainty in her own feelings? Even if she felt what she thought she did, was he the worst bastard imaginable for indulging them both? He wanted what she offered so badly, physically and emotionally.

When her fingers started working on unbuttoning his pants, his mind was made up for him. He pulled his wand out of his robe, wrapped his arm more tightly around her, and apperated them back to his rooms.


	9. Chapter 9

9 - Closer, Nine Inch Nails and Pain, Three Days Grace

In the blink of an eye, they were standing in his rooms, next to his bed. In his arms was a beautiful woman who loved him. Was this a dream? If it was, he never wanted it to end. Hermione looked up at him and ran her hand through his hair.

"It switched, even though we didn't come in through the door."

"The barrier is on the room itself, not just the doorway," he explained. "Though when I put on the enchantment I never thought it would be useful to have it go on for this reason." His admission brought a little frown from her.

"I wouldn't have minded, you know."

"What, if I still looked like I hadn't bathed in a week?" His incredulity dripped.

"Its how I'm used to seeing you," she said simply. "And there's nothing wrong with the way you look, even then. I love this look too, but it will take some getting used to, you know?" She traced the arch of his brow softly, studying his face. "Though I love being able to see your eyes." He rolled said eyes at her. She laughed. "Maybe you could remind me that you are the Severus I know and love..."

"Oh? And how would I do that?"

"Kiss me." She breathed the words against his chest. He tipped her chin up with one knuckle. He brushed his lips against hers in a gossamer touch. He brushed his nose along hers. Their foreheads rested against each others, breaths mingled, heartbeat to heartbeat. Then he kissed her. Softly. Slowly. He teased along her lips with his tongue, and when she moaned against him he stroked her mouth inside. It was an intricate dance that mirrored what he intended to do to the rest of her. Her fingers clutched his shoulders. Slowly his hands descended until he was cupping her ass, lifting her slightly.

Suddenly, Hermione was giggling. Severus drew back as if she'd burned him. Anger and hurt shot through him. He fought the urge to lash out at her.

"Am I amusing you, Hermione?" He asked through gritted teeth. She cupped his face in her hand and giggled again.

"Its not you I'm laughing at, Severus. Have you listened to what song is playing?" Humor lit her eyes. He listened and caught the low strains of the music he had once again forgotten to turn off.

Sweet Salazar, it was playing the chorus of _Closer._ Severus closed his eyes and dropped his face into his palm, head shaking the entire time.

"Well, if I didn't feel like a lecherous old man before, I certainly do now." He meant it, though there was a touch of laughter in his tone. "I assure you that 'fucking you like an animal,' was not my intention for tonight." The last strains of the song died away. Hermione shrugged and winked at him.

"I wouldn't complain." Her tone made his breath catch.

"You wouldn't..." He shook his head. "Do you never cease to amaze, woman?"

"I like to think I keep it interesting." She stopped and listened again. Severus idly wondered what had come on next and if it had the ability to embarrass him any more than he already had been. Hermione tipped her head and considered the lyrics. "Well now, this one could fit too." She murmured the words slowly. He replayed the Three Days Grace words in his head. When he got to the part she meant his eyes widened.

"Like it rough, then?" He could feel himself swelling in anticipation.

"Sometimes," she admitted brazenly.

"You are the most intriguing, the most amazing, the sexiest woman I have ever met. I think we can accommodate you in that area." His grin was wicked. She let out a relieved laugh.

"Oh good. You'd never believe the look on Ron's face when I told him that. I'm glad you-" She stopped at the look of utter disgust on his face. "What?"

"Hermione, if you regale me with any stories about what you and that daft tosser did in bed together, I will vomit spectacularly all over your lovely dress." He raised his brows and looked down at her with all sincerity. Hermione burst out laughing. After a moment, Severus joined her with a light chuckle. Finally she caught her breath.

"I will take that under consideration, Severus." She gulped in air and wiped her eyes. "Well, since this _is_ such a lovely dress, I guess we don't have to talk about Ron tonight." Her eyes twinkled. Severus was bewitched by that smile. Long dead instincts kicked back to life and he cleared his throat.

"You- you look-" How hard could it be to give her a real compliment? "You look beautiful in this dress." He mumbled so low that she almost didn't hear what he'd said.

"Thank you," she blushed. "I wore it for you. I thought you might enjoy it."

"I do." His fingertips were trailing over the skin of her shoulder, her neck. He could wrap his hand easily around her slim, delicate neck. He rested his hand there, feeling the beat of her pulse, feeling the extent of her trust in him. His thumb stroked slowly over her collar bone. She shivered and leaned closer to him. Her head tipped up until her lips found his.

They kissed softly. Hermione pushed the robes from Severus' shoulders and then felt the muscles of his back through the thin material of the t shirt. She wanted to sigh over him, to moon like a lovesick girl. She wanted to step back and study him at her leisure, to take time to fully appreciate just how much she enjoyed his body. But she knew he would never accept it.

Both of them knew they could have used their wands to rid themselves of their clothing in a matter of seconds. But they savored the act of undressing each other. The slow, sweet build of anticipation. Severus reached over his head and pulled off his t shirt one handed while Hermione tortured him by playing with the top button of her dress. Once he was bare chested, he put his fingers to work on the buttons that stood between him and the sight of her body.

He dropped to his knees in front of her and undid them one by one. When the dress parted all the way she let it fall from her shoulders and to the floor. Severus was eye level with her flat belly. To his surprise and intense erotic pleasure, he noticed a small silver hoop in her navel. It was so sexy on her that he leaned in and nipped at her belly. She threaded her hands into his hair and closed her eyes. His hands slid slowly up the backs of her thighs. He lingered on her ass, kissing along the waist band of her panties while he squeezed and cupped her. Then his hands went higher, to splay on her lower back.

Severus looked up at her with wonder in his eyes. He simply could not believe what was in front of him. And he didn't mean only the black lacy underthings she wore. Hermione herself was a surprise. Who would have ever thought...?

Finally he stood and his fingers ran under the strap on her bra. Her fingers went down to work on his fly, her knuckles brushing against his abdomen softly, making it clench with desire. By the time he'd freed her breasts, she had undone all the buttons and dipped the tips of her fingers down. He closed his eyes to brace against the pleasure. She hadn't even touched him in his most sensitive place yet!

Unable to wait any longer, Severus suddenly lifted her up and walked her over to the bed. He brought them both down onto the mattress. His kiss was deep, pressing her into the bed. As he pulled back he bit ever so softly on her bottom lip. She moaned and arched up to him. In a flash he kicked off his boots and pants. In his lust he didn't even feel any trepidation before stripping off his boxer briefs as well.

Hermione looked up at him with half lidded eyes. She beckoned him with the crook of her finger. It was an invitation he couldn't resist. He climbed up her body until he could hitch up one of her long smooth legs. As he leaned over her to kiss her he kept his arm behind her knee, pushing her leg higher until it touched her shoulder. The position opened her up to him completely. She was totally vulnerable to him. He pressed himself against her through the fabric of her panties. She moaned and undulated her hips.

She was driving him wild. In a haze he leaned up and drew the black lace down her thighs and tossed them off to the side of the bed. Then he covered her with his body again, skin to skin. Suddenly she shifted her weight and rolled him over onto his back. She rose over him, straddling his waist. Bracing her hands on his chest, she rode him slowly, not with him inside of her, but rubbing her sex against his. They moaned together. Severus watched her throw her head back in pleasure. His hands cradled her hips as she moved slowly and sensuously.

When he could take no more he pulled her down against his chest and rolled her back over. His left hand caught her wrists and held them above her head. With his right he trailed down her body, stopping at her breasts and skimming over her stomach. When he reached between them she writhed up against him once more. With a low, guttural groan he positioned himself against her. She was slick and hot. He braced his hand beside her head and with painstaking slowness and gentleness he started to push into her tightness.

Hermione's head thrashed from side to side. She moaned, arching her back. She wanted him. _Now._ In a quick movement she wrapped her legs around his waist and locked them together. Then she used his back for leverage and lifted her hips sharply. She opened her eyes wide at the feeling of him filling her. He seemed just as shocked as she was, staring down at her, then down to where they were joined. His breath hissed between his teeth as her body gripped him tightly.

She was a fiery, inescapable heat that threatened to consume him.

"Severus, _please,"_ she moaned. With that, all control he had snapped. He released her hands to gather her close to his chest. He kissed her long and hard and moved ferociously. She gasped at the intensity of his thrusts, the intensity of his kiss. She was already on the verge of release and he just kept pushing her higher and higher. His deep voice rumbled in her ear, coarse and dirty things that made her pant, "yes, yes, _yes,_" into his ear.

"Come for me," he demanded, slamming into her. She screamed as she exploded. The world around her faded and was replaced by pure sensation, pure pleasure. She heard his broken groan as he joined her. His hips still moved, slowly, drawing out both of their pleasure. He buried his face against her neck and inhaled her sweet scent. She clung to him, wrapped around him inside and out. As close as two people could get.

Slowly their limbs relaxed from sheer exhaustion and Severus supported his weight on his arms to roll off of her. He landed on his back bonelessly, still reeling. After a moment, Hermione managed to twist her body so that her head was resting on his shoulder and her leg and arm draped over his legs and torso.

An hour later Severus woke from his doze and felt Hermione still warm in his arms. He lazily traced down the long line of her back. She was so beautiful it took his breath away.

"Hermione," he said softly. She stirred against him. "We should get you back to your rooms."

"Ok." She didn't even open her eyes. Her voice was a sleepy murmur. "Do you want me to go?" she asked as she settled more comfortably against him, her face nuzzling into his chest.

"No," he whispered. Never.

**Hope you liked it guys! It is now almost three in the morning, but I wanted to get that out to you all. Don't forget to let me know what you think. Also, I have been toying with the idea of Sev coming up with a pet name for Hermione. Thoughts?

Oh, and happy St. Paddy's day everyone! : )


	10. Chapter 10

10- Sweet Dreams, Marilyn Manson and Trouble, Coldplay

In the morning, they woke slowly, coming back to consciousness at their own paces. Severus was still groggily wondering why his legs felt like he'd run a marathon the night before, when he felt Hermione's lashes flutter against his chest. She yawned and bodily stretched.

The movement brought it all back to him. It hadn't been a dream. Not a fantastic fantasy his obsessed brain had conjured. She really was here in bed with him. They really had... Bloody hell he'd just had the best sex of his life- and with his ex student teacher's aid. How messed up was that?

All thoughts of right and wrong were pushed aside when her stretch rubbed her body against his. She was warm and soft and so damn feminine, and he was already in a morning state...

"Morning," Hermione said softly. Her voice was rough from sleep, and probably from her screaming in pleasure the night before.

"Goodmorning, Hermione." He kissed the top of her head and smiled. It gave him a ridiculous sense of masculine pride that she had a hoarse voice and tired body from a night in bed with him. She hitched her leg up and wrapped her arm around his chest. He enjoyed the sweetness of the action, but her knee was resting right on- "Hermione?" he asked in a voice somewhat higher than usual. She looked up to his face, startled.

"What?"

"Could you move your leg just slightly-" He let out a breath when she suddenly lifted her knee and pulled away.

"I'm so sorry," she exclaimed. She bit her lip and her brow furrowed.

"No permanent damage done, I assure you. But in my current condition, I'll admit that particular position was a bit...uncomfortable."

"Current condition? What's the matter?" Her voice was so full of concern that he had to laugh. He raised a brow and glanced down to where he was tenting the sheet. "Oh!" She giggled and her cheeks colored slightly. "So...no permanent damage? You're sure?" There was a mischievous light in her eyes.

"None whatsoever," he assured her.

"Then maybe..." She reached out and pulled him over on top of her.

"Mmm," he couldn't help the rumble of appreciation that escaped his throat as his body came in full contact with hers. She immediately wrapped her legs around his waist. "You'd like a demonstration that I have full use of my faculties?"

"If that's what you'd like to call it," she drawled. "I don't care what you call it as long as you're inside of me." Severus shook his head in wonder as he slowly, teasingly, tenderly complied with her wishes.

Half an hour later they were both sated and lying contentedly next to each other. Hermione was tracing circles lazily on his stomach and he was idly toying with her hair. After a long, companionable silence they both glanced at the hourglass on his wall. They had the day free of classes, but students would be up and about soon. It was a complication to their blessedly uncomplicated morning.

Hermione pushed herself up onto her elbow. Her eyes searched his face, only flicking once or twice of their own accord down to his body. Then she took a deep breath as if to draw her courage.

"We should talk," she said quietly. Severus froze and looked back at her warily. He agreed, they did need to talk. But what was she going to say? That last night was a mistake? Would she be ashamed of their night together? That she didn't want anyone to see them together? Was it even a good idea for anyone to know they were together? _Were_ they together at all? Finally he just nodded. "Ok, we need to decide if its best for us to-" She stopped as if a thought had just occurred to her. "Sod it all, we need to figure something else out first. Or, rather, you do."

"What could I possibly have need to figure out?" His tone was defensive though he tried to take the edge off of it.

"If you want this," she motioned to them with a wave of her hand, "to happen again." She bit her lip.

"That would depend greatly on _your_ feelings on the subject." His tone was deadpan, waiting.

"Well I already know what I want, but you-" She shopped when he raised a brow at her. The expression so clearly said, 'and what is it that you want,' that she could practically hear him speak the words in her head. "Of course I want to. That was the best night of my life." She let out a sigh of relief when a smile broke over his face.

"Well then, I'd say chances of a repeat encounter are about as likely as a Felix Felicis causing good luck."

"Really?" Her smile was wide and beautiful. She seemed almost giddy with happiness.

"Yes, really. Did you honestly think I wouldn't be interested?" When she shrugged slightly, he reached up and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "It was the best night of my life, too, Hermione." If possible, her grin widened even more.

"I'm glad," she whispered. "And that brings us to my original question. What about everyone else?"

"Everyone else?" He was being intentionally obtuse and she knew it. She rolled her eyes at him.

"Are we allowed to be together? I mean, is there any rule against teacher/student teacher relationships?"

"Not that I am aware of," he drawled, "but it might be in your best interest if we refrain from making the extent of our relationship public."

"Why?" Her brow furrowed. Severus scowled. It was easier to believe that she was ignoring the obvious, but he couldn't help but think she honestly didn't know. It was his turn to roll his eyes.

"Me, Hermione. Look at me."

"I am looking at you. I still don't see the problem." She gave him a sensual once over. He sighed and pushed up to his elbows.

"Maybe not now, but once we pass through that door you will."

"No, I won't." She was a stubborn little chit.

"Fine, but others will. And lets not forget that I'm still old enough to be your father."

"Severus, if you don't want anyone to know-"

"Don't say that," he growled, cutting her off. "I'd announce it to the world if I wouldn't look like a buffoon doing so. _I _have nothing to be ashamed about being with _you_."

"And I do?"

"You might see the real me, Hermione, but you know how others see me."

"Bugger everyone else." She was worked up, her breaths coming quicker. "I don't care what anyone else thinks, Severus. I told you last night. I'm in love with you. If anyone else doesn't like it they can sod off!"

"And your friends? Are you going to alienate yourself just to be with me?"

"My friends will understand. If they don't then they aren't very good friends, after all. And even if everyone else in the world turns their back on me, you only need one, remember?"

"I remember," he said thickly.

"Am I your friend, Severus?" She touched his face hesitantly. He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. When had it happened? He'd closed himself off so carefully...

"Yes, Hermione. You are." That, and so much more.

***This isn't the end yet, but we are wrapping up! There will be more still with them exploring their new relationship and we will see reactions from some other characters and I have a little surprise in mind for the very end.

Also, I'm still toying with the pet name idea. I have a vague scene in mind that I want to work it into but I still haven't found one that fits him for her. He is Snape, after all. Thoughts? Suggestions?


	11. Chapter 11

11- Creep, Radiohead

In the end, they decided to neither to hide nor publicize their relationship. They didn't sneak around, they didn't slink away from each others rooms in the dead of night, they didn't speak any less in public. Hermione was not one for displays of public affection but she didn't keep herself from touching him when she felt like it. Severus even caught himself smiling at her when others were around. Usually when he realized it he scowled, but after a while, the expression became more familiar to him and he let it stay.

He was sure the others were talking about the change in him. Because as much as he'd insisted he wouldn't change, as much as Hermione insisted he didn't need to change, he _was_ changing. As she slowly melted the ice around his heart, he found the resentment he'd lived with for so long dissipating as well. He still snapped at students and growled most of his words. He even still did those things to Hermione. But she just laughed and ignored it. Which usually made him smile too.

She brought out the best of him. When he was around her, he wanted to be a better man. It was pathetic and cliché but he saw how even little things he did could make her proud. Could make her happy. And he wanted her to be happy. His life shifted. He'd spent so much of it making everyone miserable for the sake of the better good, and it had seemed like causing misery was all he knew. With her, he could create joy. It was new and refreshing. It was a feeling that he would cling to because now that he'd felt it, he didn't want to let it go.

He didn't want to let her go.

But the more time they spent together the more he realized just how unfair it was to her. She was so young, so full of life. She was social and energetic and brilliant. She should be around people her own age, people who would want to go places with her, meet new friends and laugh with her. She should be with someone who she could spend the rest of her life with, not someone she could be with happily for maybe twenty years and then be tied down to, taking care of.

She had started following his schedule in order to spend more time with him. Seeing the rest of the staff less and less, staying at the castle for holidays and weekends so they could be together, spending more time in the dungeons than outside in the sunshine. Her skin had gotten paler. It only enhanced her beauty, making her complexion like porcelain, but it reminded him of what she was giving up to be with him.

And worst of all...he'd fallen in love with her.

He loved every little thing about her and it scared he hell out of him. Not just that he might fail her like he'd failed Lily, but that he wouldn't be able to make himself let her go. She deserved so much better, so much _more._ But he'd spent most of his life giving up his own happiness for the sake of others and now he was selfish. Now that he'd experienced her love, he didn't want to give it up. How could he? But how could he condemn her to a life with him, a life lived in the shadows?

Could he meet her half way? Go out into the light with her? With her, it wasn't such a terrible thing to be around others. His hatred had gone away, so instead of resenting them, he simply...nothinged them. He knew none of them would ever be his friends, he would never share with them even a fraction of what he shared with her, but could he be civil enough with them to keep her happy?

She deserved a man she wouldn't have to coax into simple things like a walk through the gardens. But he just didn't think he could give her up.

Over spring holiday, the Potter boy, the Weasley girl who was now his fiance, and the twit Hermione had stupidly dated were coming to visit. Minerva had set them up in guest quarters close to Hermione's rooms. Severus didn't like the idea of any of them visiting, but he particularly hated the thought of Ronald sleeping anywhere near Hermione.

She'd told him more than once that she had no lingering feelings for the boy, but Severus had never had to deal with ridiculous things like _jealousy _before. So he had no experience on how to overcome them. He resigned himself to a week of glaring daggers at the tosser any time he got too close to Hermione.

In the end, it hadn't mattered much. The git brought a girl with him to occupy his thoughts. It was a relief to Severus' jealousy but he hated what it might do to Hermione to see him with another woman. Even if she really didn't have any feelings for him any more, it might still hurt her to be forced to meet the woman who'd replaced her.

She had insisted that Severus come with her to meet them when they got off the train. Minerva and Hagrid had also come. As the Hogwarts Express pulled up, Severus fought the urge to drape his arm over Hermione's shoulders. It would be a childish, possessive gesture and he refrained, but only just. Ginny stepped off the train first and Hermione ran to greet her friend. They squealed together in that tone that only women and dolphins can attain. While they were hugging, Harry stepped down carrying Ginny's bag as well as his own. He looked genially harassed and smiled indulgently at the girls. Then Ron and a tall blonde stepped down.

Hermione finally broke away from Ginny with a huge grin on her face. She hugged Harry tightly and then turned to Ron. Her smile faltered only slightly but Severus noticed it. He gritted his teeth as she gave him a quick hug and introduced herself to Miss Airhead.

"Long time no see, Mione," Ron said. He had the decency to blush slightly as he looked between her and Miss Airhead. "How have you been?" For the first time since the train had stopped, her eyes went to Severus. Her smile returned, brighter than ever and then she turned back to Ron.

"Wonderful," she answered. "Brilliant. I'm finally right where I belong."

"Well that sounds good," Harry interjected into their conversation.

"It is," she replied. While the others said their hellos to Minerva and Hagrid, Hermione moved back to Severus' side. He knew they were standing too close to prevent suspicion among her friends. He started to step away but she stopped him by putting her hand in his. Her touch froze him in place. Instead of allow color to creep up his neck, he donned his most haughty expression and faced them all without blinking. Daring them to ask any questions.

Harry came up to them and smiled.

"Professor." He held out his hand and Severus was forced to take it. Harry glanced down at where Hermione's hand was tightly holding Severus' but didn't react at all other than to widen his smile. "Its a pleasure to see you again." Severus dropped his hand and inclined his head at the boy. He could see Ron coming up to them again and pulled his hand away from Hermione's. He bent down stiffly and took one of the bags Harry was attempting to pile into his arms again.

"Allow me," he drawled with all the graciousness of a snake toying with its prey.

"That's not necessary," Harry tried to say.

"I insist," Severus said tightly. Harry's brows drew together and then he nodded.

"Thanks, Professor," Harry said as he turned to follow Hagrid to the coaches. When Ron came up to him, Severus looked down his nose at the boy with as much disdain as he could put into one glance. Ron thought belatedly about putting out his hand and Severus only looked at him.

"My hands are obviously full, Mr Weasley." His tone was dark.

"Oh, uh...yeah. Sorry then." Ron turned away and Severus heard him mutter, "Nice to see you too, ya bloody git."

Hermione's hand rested on his arm and he realized he'd taken a step towards the idiot. He looked down at her and gave her a tight smile. She looked up at him for a moment, amused, pleased, and then went up on tip toe to press a quick kiss to his cheek.

Severus looked around, thinking they might have been seen. But everyone else was already walking towards the coaches. He wanted to berate her for taking such a chance, but couldn't. She honestly didn't seem to care if anyone saw. With one more furtive glance to make sure the others were still walking away, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Then her herded her towards the coaches, a lopsided smile playing on his lips.

**sorry its so short, but I'm off to yoga class and I can't write whilst in downward dog! Hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think! : )


	12. Chapter 12

**So, this one is also super short-sorry guys! However I wanted to seperate this chapter, which has a very sweet moment at the end, from what happens next. So just bear with me, and happy reading! : )

12- Mad World, Gary Jules

Several days passed without any trouble. They were moderated fairly well, Hermione brilliantly dividing her time so Severus wasn't forced to spend too much time with her friends, but she still got to be with him as well as them.

He did _not_ go up to Hermione's rooms while her friends were sleeping so near. Instead, she went down to him and then went up to greet them in the morning. It prevented him from having to see Ron and Miss Airhead too much, also. He found he was surprised at how much he resented the boy. He should be gloating, feeling superior since he was the one who got Hermione in the end. Instead he was angry that the dolt had broken her heart. Ronald Weasley did not deserve her friendship.

It also annoyed him to no end that both Harry and Ron called her 'Mione.' Not only did it grate his ingrained sense of formality, but he was angry that they had that closeness with her when he did not. It was a sign of familiarity and endearment that they had a pet name for her. He just did not want anyone to have a bond with her that he didn't also have. But Severus was not a man who used terms of endearment. The idea of calling Hermione 'dear' or 'sweetheart' was laughable. Not that she wasn't dear to him or sweet at heart. It just wasn't...him. It wouldn't sound romantic coming from him. It would sound _stupid._

Mostly he tried to ignore it. He didn't want to interfere with her friendships. He'd already taken too much away from her. But there was only so much he could handle before he lost the tenuous grasp he had on his control when it came to her.

"Her name is Hermione, Mr Weasley, not 'Mione,'" he said with disdain as they were finishing up lunch one day. Ron only threw him a disgusted look and shook his head. That officially ended the luncheon.

As they walked back to his rooms, Severus could feel Hermione's eyes on him. She didn't look angry, but she didn't look happy either. When the door closed behind them, he tossed his robe onto the chair and rounded on her with a sigh.

"What?" he asked roughly.

"Why?" She didn't yell, she didn't cry. She just shrugged her shoulders, lost, her brow furrowed.

"Why what?" he said sharply. She deserved better than this from him. But he wasn't ready to tell her why. His tone would have warned anyone else off. Other women in her shoes would have either been terrified of the anger in his voice or they would have been so infuriated with him that they would have stormed off. Hermione, wonderful amazing Hermione walked over to him and threaded her fingers into his hair. She tipped his head down and looked deeply into his eyes. Her gaze was gentle, concerned. It tore at him. She deserved so much more...

She lowered her hands until they were resting on his neck, massaging lightly. Then she nuzzled her face into his chest and tightened her arms around him. Of their own violation his arms wrapped around her. He couldn't have her this close and not hold her.

"Talk to me," she whispered. If she'd demanded explanation he would have ranted and insulted her. If she'd pouted he would have sneered at her. But this soft pleading he had no defense against. He dropped his head down to her hair.

"I resent the bond you have with them." He paused. She didn't interrupt, only waited for him to continue. "I am grateful that you have friends. I want you to have everything. I want you to be happy. But the fact that there is a closeness that you share with them that you don't share with me drives me to madness. I want to be your everything."

"Severus, I am so much closer to you now than I am to them. Harry Ron and I have drifted apart over the last few years. They will always be my friends, but now _you_ are my best friend. There is nothing that I share with them that I don't with you."

"They call you that name."

"Mione? So they have a nickname for me." She shrugged. "Lots of people have nicknames for their friends."

"Not you and I."

"I call you Sev sometimes," she said teasingly.

"But I have never called you anything like that."

"Then come up with a nickname for me," she said with a smile. It was so simple to her.

"I am not the sort of man to make up pet names, Hermione." He shook his head and brushed his fingers down her cheek.

"You could call me Mione, too, if you wanted." She made the suggestion sound so hopeful that he couldn't help his rueful smile.

"The same name those idiots use for you?" His derisive snort told her just what he thought of that idea.

"Well then just make up your own!" She looked up at him with a smile.

"Shall I call you Hermie? My little cauldron bubble?" He shook his head firmly. "No, Hermione, I don't think so."

Hermione chuckled. "I think cauldron bubble has some merit, Sev. Lets go with that one!"

"No, lets not." He shuddered. "I was trying to come up with the least romantic pet name I could. Apparently I should have gone with, 'my dearest eye of newt!'"

"Ah, now that one's even better!"

"My Felix Felicis?" He laughed softly and whispered the words in her ear. She nuzzled closer to him.

"_Am_ I your liquid luck?"

"My lady luck," he murmured. "With you, I can do anything." She pulled back from him slightly, enough to meet his gaze. There were tears shimmering in her eyes.

"Thats...thats the most exquisite thing anyone has ever said to me, Severus." She ran her hand down his chest, resting over his heart. "Thank you."

"For you, Lady Felicis, anything." He gave her a slight bow while still holding her. She laughed and then leaned into him again.

"I love you," she whispered.

_I love you too,_ he thought. His lips formed the words. He mouthed them noiselessly to the universe.


	13. Chapter 13

13- Bittersweet Symphony, the Verve

Severus and Hermione were in bed together, bodies moving slowly and sweetly against each other. Of all the times they had slept together, this was the most passionate. It was the most like _making love._ Severus had always hated that term. It just sounded so...pretentious. Weak. Idiotic. Sex was the physical act. Fucking was that same physical act but with flair. What he and Hermione did was that, but it was so much more than that, too. They weren't _making_ love, but there it was between them, the act expressing the emotion better than any words could have.

They climaxed together, moans of pleasure lost in a deep kiss. As he lay on top of her, catching his breath and staring down at her half lidded eyes, he fought himself.

_Just say it,_ he demanded imperiously. _Don't be a coward._ But he couldn't. It would be the last part of himself that he'd held back. _Who are you kidding? You haven't held anything back. You're already lost._ But she wasn't. Maybe if he didn't admit it, if he never said it, she would eventually find someone better suited to her...

_And you would go back to being alone and miserable._ If it was best for her, he could deal with being miserable. He was used to it. But what if he really was what made her happy? He could love her, have her, and later on, when he got to the point where he was holding her back, he could leave. Encourage her to find someone else. He could do it. Right?

He closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath.

"Hermione, I-"

"Hermione! _Alohamora!_ Hermione!" Ron was coming down the hallway, yelling as he came. The fool was obviously throwing spells at the doors he passed. Alohamora would certainly _not_ work on Severus' door. Who did the boy think he was dealing with? "Snape!"

Hermione's head jerked up and she looked over his shoulder at the door. Cursing under his breath, Severus rolled off of her. She rose and put his t shirt on. It fell to her mid thigh and he took a moment to appreciate just how sexy she looked in it before she spoke.

"That's Ron! Something must be wrong!" She didn't hesitate before running towards the door.

"Hermione!" Severus had only had a chance to pull on his pants when her hand went to the doorknob. She didn't know what she was going out into, and she was half naked! For that matter, so was he! He grabbed his wand as he ran to her. She pulled the door open just as he reached her and jerked her behind him.

Ron came barreling towards them with Harry in his wake, obviously trying to hold his friend back. Miss Airhead was nowhere to be seen. Ron saw Severus and his eyes narrowed, but then he saw Hermione behind him and they opened wide in shock. He tried to barge into Severus' rooms but bounced off the magical barrier.

"I had to see it to believe it!" He yelled as he struggled to stay on his feet. "What is Hermione doing here?" Hermione moved around Severus and relaxed her wand. "You! What the bloody hell are you doing down here?" He saw her attire and grimaced.

"None of your business, Ronald. Is that all you came down here for? Go back to bed." She pushed her hair behind her ear and glared at him.

"What's going on? Does he have you locked in there?" Ron pushed against the barrier with both hands, straining.

"Ron, stop! Just leave them alone." Harry was trying to pull Ron away from the door but Ron wouldn't be moved. Hermione made a rude sound.

"Of course I'm not locked in here!" She stepped through the door and put her hands on her hips. "What's the matter with you, Ron?"

"What's the matter with _me?_! Whats the matter with you? And what the hell happened to his-" Ron motioned wildly at Severus' head.

Severus had enough. With a flick of his wand he summoned boots and a shirt. Then with a look at Hermione's bare legs, he put a long robe on her. Then he stepped through the door and the shiver signaled his mask was once again in place.

"_Mister_ Weasley," he said severely, looking down his nose at the boy. "Is there a problem here?" Since they were long past secrecy now, he draped one arm casually over Hermione's shoulder. She gave him a reassuring smile and then glared at Ron.

"Yes, there is a bloody problem! What the bloody hell is going on? What is she doing here? What are you doing with her?" He looked angry and so confused that he might pop. Severus sneered at him.

"I would think it obvious, Mr Weasley. I must have over estimated your intelligence- again." His smirk was cold and snide. Ron fumed.

"Why?" He turned to Hermione, addressing the question to her.

"Because I'm in love with him, you daft git!"

"You're in love with _him?_" He gaped. "But...he's _Snape_!"

"So?" she demanded.

"So...he's Snape!"

"I'm aware of that, Ronald." Her tone was short. Ron looked between her, Severus and Harry. Harry shrugged and gave him a weak smile.

"You knew?" Ron asked Harry, shocked. Harry shrugged again.

"I suspected. Ginny never can keep a secret from me."

"I...but..." Ron turned back to Hermione. "What...?" Lost, he turned to Severus. "What happened to your face?" he finally asked.

"Ronald!" Hermione was on the verge of outrage.

"What?" he asked innocently. "He looked different before." Now his tone was almost sulky.

"Of course he did! Its a-" she sighed and turned to Severus. "Severus, would you show him? It would be easier than trying to explain. Please," she added, laying her hand on his arm. Severus rolled his eyes.

"Very well." With a flick of his wrist his mask came off. For the first time in over a decade he was uncovered outside his rooms. He fought the discomfort and managed to continue to stare dispassionately at Ron. The boy's jaw dropped.

"This is how he actually looks, Ron. He's been using magic to change his appearance so he could stay inconspicuous and unapproachable while he was a spy."

"Not that it is any of your business," Severus drawled. He looked back to Hermione who was giving him that smile that said she was proud of him. His heart constricted. "Are we finished here?"

Ron looked from Severus to Hermione. He stepped forward and grabbed her arm to pull her slightly to the side. Severus just barely refrained from hurling curses at the boy. Severus did not like the sight of his hands on Hermione. His patience was wearing thin.

"You actually like _him_? I know he did some good stuff and all, but-"

"Ronald Weasley! Don't you dare talk about him like that! Severus Snape is the bravest, most selfless man I know. He sacrificed everything to keep us safe! I'm in love with him. If you don't watch your tongue, I will hex you so that you stuff your right foot in your mouth any time you even think something uncomplimentary for the next month!" Ron paled and backed away from her with his hands raised in surrender.

"Jeeze, Mione, no need to go that far. Don't get your knickers in a twist. I was just worried about you."

"That's the only reason I haven't hexed you already," she said back, but now there was a slight smile on her lips. "Go to bed, Ron."

"But-" Ron stopped when Harry physically hauled him back a step.

"Come on, mate. You've embarrassed yourself enough for one night." Harry pulled on his arm again and Ron finally turned. Severus and Hermione could hear their low conversation as they walked away.

"You could have told me, you wanker."

"It wasn't my place to tell. Besides, what do you care?"

"Come on, its _Hermione and Snape._ You can't say you weren't confused at first too."

"Why should I be? She's right, he..."

Their voices trailed off as they rounded the corner and left the dungeons. Severus let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. He turned to Hermione. She beamed up at him. Wordlessly they went back into his room and shut the door. Hermione shrugged out of the robe he'd conjured and turned back to kiss him.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?"

"For not turning him into a toad, first of all, even though he deserved it." She laughed. "And for handling that so well. I know that wasn't easy for you." She gestured and his conjured shirt disappeared so she could kiss his bare chest. His arms went around her and he took in a long, deep breath.

"Its not just with you that I can do anything, Lady Felicis, but _for_ you, as well." He tipped her face up to his and kissed her lightly on the forehead. Then he pulled her tight to him and spoke into her hair. His voice was so soft she could barely hear him. "I love you."

Her tears of joy fell slowly down her face as she looked up at him with that brilliant smile.

"I love you too, Severus." She sniffed and laughed and did a little jumping dance while still in the circle of his arms. "Take me to bed, Sev. I suddenly have an itch that I need you to scratch."

Severus smiled wickedly and carried her to the bed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Last Chapter, guys! Hopefully you will like the end as much as I do. Its been an awesome ride, writing this, and I'm sad its over but very happy with where it took me. Thank you everyone who has reviewed so far, and please let me know what you think of this one as well!

14- Moving On, Nick Cave & Warren Ellis

_Six months later_

Hermione had been acting strange. She was a little withdrawn, a little distant. At first Severus didn't think anything of it. He'd always heard women went through fazes where they were irrational and emotional. Hermione and irrational did not belong in the same sentence. He thought perhaps this was just her way of fulfilling the feminine need of being emotional while still being herself.

But he also worried that she was pulling away from him.

The month before, she'd asked him about the future and he'd done what he thought was right. What was fair to her. It happened while they were getting ready for the morning. Most of her belongings were in his rooms now. The staff did not comment- though Minerva had sat Hermione down for a long chat the day after Potter and Weasley had left from that first visit- but it was commonly known now that Severus and Hermione were involved. She had been looking through her papers and Severus had spotted a mistake on one.

"Why Miss Granger, I do believe there is an error on this page. I'd suggest you fix it, lest I remove ten points from Gryffendor for your mistake," he'd teased softly.

"Right away, Professor," she said in a high falsetto voice. They laughed together. "Whatever are you going to do to correct me when someday I'm Mrs Snape instead of Miss Granger? I can hardly see you mocking Mrs Snape-" she stopped when she saw his expression. Her face heated and she blinked a few times and swallowed. "I don't mean any time soon, Sev. Just someday in the future, if-" she faltered and fell silent.

"You will never be Mrs Snape," he said angrily. The anger was directed at himself because of regret and sadness, but she thought it was directed at her. In the blink of an eye first shock, then pain, and then resignation crossed her face. Without a word she turned and left his rooms. Severus stared after her for a moment, hardly able to believe how stupid he'd been. He should have explained better, he should have kept his tone lighter... He followed her into the hall and stopped her.

"Hermione," he turned her to him.

"I need a minute, Sev. Just give me a minute, ok?" Her voice was tight and there were unshed tears in her eyes.

"Hermione," he breathed her name and pulled her close, castigating himself for causing her pain. "I did not mean that the way it came out. I apologize. I just meant that we can never make that kind of commitment to each other."

"Why the bloody hell not?" There was now an edge of anger in her voice.

"Hermione, I've told you before. _I am old enough to be your father._ Yes we are happy together now, but I'm not going to tie you to my side for the rest of my life. I will be-" he stopped when she flicked her hand impatiently and he felt a tug at the magic covering him. She huffed out an impatient sigh.

"I want to see your eyes, Severus," she demanded. He didn't do anything at first. Then he felt another tug, this one even stronger. If he didn't do it himself she would eventually find a way to remove it herself. With a sigh he removed his mask and looked at her.

"Hermione, just listen to me." He took her shoulders and met her gaze. "I will be _old_ in another ten or fifteen years. You will still be in the prime of your life. I'm not going to keep you tethered to me! It is not fair to you."

"Why don't you let me decide what's fair to me, Severus."

"No. I'm not bending on this, Hermione. Marrying me would be a prison sentence for you. I won't do it."

"Is your age the only reason? Or is it something else?" She still sounded hurt, and unsure. Severus ran his hand through his hair impatiently.

"Of course that's the only reason. I love you, Hermone. You are my everything. If you were a little older, or I was a little younger, I'd marry you tomorrow. I'm not stupid. I know that you are too good for me but I'm too selfish to care. But we are simply who we are. Even your timeturner can't change that. And I will not change my mind on this. Please let it go."

Slowly she had nodded and turned to the class room. All that day, students were looking at him strangely. His temper and patience already frayed, he snapped and snarled at anyone who gave him a sidelong glance. He took countless points from all the houses. He even assigned one ridiculous Hufflepuff who couldn't contain his staring a detention with Filtch.

That evening after all classes were done, he'd happened to glance over his shoulder in the hall and caught a glimpse of his reflection in a mirror.

He'd never gone back to his rooms after his argument with Hermione, and had gone the whole day with his mask off. No wonder they were staring. He stared too, shocked. He'd assumed the stares from the other teachers at lunch had been because of Hermione's brusqueness with him. But no. They had been looking at his unaltered face.

After the initial shock wore off, Severus wasn't angry. He even changed the boy's detention to be with Hagrid instead of Filtch. Of course, he didn't revoke the detention itself. The boy should have been able to control his stupid staring, after all.

That had been more than a month ago. Since then, he'd gradually reduced the magic in the door over time so that his mask wore thin. Now it was practically all gone. He'd thought Hermione would be happy because of that. She always said she liked to be able to see their eyes when they talked. Now she could see them all the time. And she'd told him how proud of him she was, how happy it made her. But she'd still been withdrawn.

She would disappear for long periods of time and then come back tired and pinched. Dark circles had started to bloom under her eyes. No matter how many times he asked, Hermione always insisted she was fine.

Finally, Severus couldn't take any more. He was going to sit her down and demand an answer from her. They had the day off, so he would spend as many hours as it took. She came back into the room and just as he started to question her, she stopped him.

"Do you love me, Severus?" Her voice was soft. Caught off guard, he could only look at her suspiciously for a moment.

"You know I do," he said stiffly.

"I need you to tell me, today." She seemed so unsure, so subdued that he couldn't help but pull her close to him. He kissed the top of her head and murmured his words into her ear.

"I love you, Lady Felicis. I always will." He pulled her back to tip her face up to his and looked deep into her eyes. "You are my life, Hermione." As he looked at her, her confidence returned. She smiled up at him and kissed him hard. Her hands tangled into his hair, pulling roughly.

He was a little surprised. It wasn't the first time she'd pulled his hair before- he'd pulled hers more times than he could count- but usually they were already in bed or getting ready to go there when they played roughly. He mentally shrugged. Maybe she needed affirmation. And he would provide...

He turned them both and took a step towards the bed when she broke away.

"I love you too, Severus." She touched his lips softly and then dropped her hand to rest over his heart. She stayed there, feeling his heartbeat for one moment. Then she turned. Before he could take a single step, she was out the door. When he finally got his legs to work, she was already out of sight.

He didn't see her for most of the day. He'd thought with that poignant moment she would put her withdrawal and distance behind her. _Apparently I was wrong_, he mumbled to himself. He busied himself with grading papers. When he looked up again it was nearly evening. He stretched and stood. Then he paused. He stretched again. He looked down at his body as if it were no longer his own.

Usually after an entire day behind a desk, his limbs protested to a sudden stretch. His brow furrowed and he shook his arms experimentally. Nothing. He felt fine. He was shaking out first one leg, then the other when Hermione came into the room. He froze. She cocked a brow at him but said nothing, her lips pursed. To hide her smile, no doubt. Severus Snape did not often screw up his face in intense concentration and then do a little jig. In fact, Severus Snape _never_ did that. She must think he'd finally gone nutters.

"Hermione," he said seriously, hoping she would just pretend this little incident had never happened. "You've been gone a long time." She only nodded.

"How do you feel?" Her question caught him off guard and he was instantly suspicious.

"Fine," he said carefully.

"Just fine?"

"Better than fine, in fact. What's going on, Hermione?" While he watched, she withdrew a small, glowing vial on a chain. She took a step closer to him and put the chain over his head. The vial rested over his heart. He looked at her, and then down at the vial. She didn't speak, didn't explain. He lifted the vial up and looked inside it. Floating on a cloud of gold inside the tiny bottle was a curling brown hair.

A thought occurred to him, then. A terrible thought. A wonderful thought. But a terrible thought. She wouldn't... Or would she? His hand shot out to her neck, finding the chain there and following it down. He drew out a matching vial from under her shirt. He looked at it and his worst fears were confirmed. Floating on an identical cloud of gold was a straight black hair.

"Hermione," he breathed her name, voice laced with pain, praying it was a mistake. "Hermione, please. Please tell me you didn't." He looked up into her eyes. She bit her lip.

"Its a binding spell," she said softly.

"I know what it is," he snarled. "Tell me you didn't do something so foolish, so stupid-"

"I did. Our life forces are bound together now." She gave him a small smile.

"How could you?! This will shorten your life!"

"And lengthen yours," she added.

"You can't sacrifice years of your life for mine!" He was yelling at her now, unable to contain his fury, his concern for her, his outrage at what she'd done to herself.

"I lost some, and you gained some. We met in the middle."

"Hermione, why?" His voice was desperate, lost. She smiled up at him again, a heartbreaking smile. Her hand reached out and she touched his face softly.

"You told me earlier I was your life, Severus. You are mine, too. I don't want live without you. And I won't live the years I have with you only half together. I want to be yours, totally. I don't want you to hold back because of some asinine desire to look out for me or push me away in a few years because you think you know what's best for me. Because no matter what, _you_ are what's best for me. Don't make me live without you." Those last words were a plea, her voice soft and small.

Severus' arms went around her, holding her tightly. He didn't know what else to say to her. It was done. There was no going back.

"You won't have to," he finally murmured. She looked up at him warily.

"You don't regret having your life bound to mine?"

"I regret that my loving you has done this. That your life will be even one moment shorter than it has to be. But I could never regret having my life bound to yours. You are...everything to me."

Hermione laughed, relief and happiness washing over her face.

"You still love me?" she asked.

"Of course. And now you'll have no choice except to marry me." His hands tightened on her when she arched a brow impetuously.

"I don't?" She tipped her head to the side, considering. Severus' eyes narrowed.

"No, you don't," he growled. "You are mine, Lady Felicis, now and forever."

"Well then," a wide smile broke over her face. "I guess if you'll ask me nicely we can make it official." Severus took the hint. He cupped her face in his hands, kissed her nose, and then sank to one knee in front of her.

"Hermione, would you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?" He looked up at her, feeling stupidly unsure. She had just insisted he ask her- so why was his heart pounding as he waited for her response? That brilliant smile shone down at him and she laughed.

"Of course," she whispered. Severus rose quickly and lifted her up into his arms. He spun her around and they laughed together, laughter of joy and love.

He was still the man he'd always been, the man who'd lost everything. But now he'd been given everything he could have ever hoped for and more. And he was never letting it go.

**Sigh, I love happy endings. And they needed one, don't you think? There is one more little bit coming-not of story, but I hope you'll like it all the same.


	15. Playlist

**Update** I wrote down each song in the very beginning of each chapter, so no one would have to keep flipping back and forth to see what song was next. Sorry to everyone who was already in the middle or finished and had to go back and re read/listen to the songs once I got them all up. Thank you everyone for your patience! Also, I'd like to give a little shout out to Nessie, for providing me with 'eye of newt and couldron bubble' for endearments! : )

I have been considering what to work on next and nothing is jumping out at me. Any suggestions/requests? **End Update**

As I wrote this I was trying to capture the mood and tone of Severus, which was incredibly difficult. He is such a complex character, so dark, but so good all at the same time. I got a wonderful feel for his voice by reading LTLA's first chapter by Hay Bailes, but after that I was on my own. So I turned to my music to help me along. There were so many songs that spoke to me for this story and I decided you guys should get to hear the music that plays in my head when I read this. So I wrote out the play list for you!

Hope you enjoy it. If you have time, go back and listen to these as you read the chapters they go with. : )

Happy reading, and listening!

Playlist

Chapter 1

The Red, Chevelle

Chapter 2

Come as you are, Nirvana

Ch 3

Disarm, Smashing Pumpkins

Ch 4

Heart Shaped Box, Nirvana

Ch 5

Seven Nation Army, White Stripes

Through Glass, Stone Sour

Ch 6

Dirt, Nine Inch Nails

Man in the Box, Alice in Chains

Ch 7

Change, Deftones

Ch 8

Sober, Tool

Something I can Never Have, Nine Inch Nails

Chapter 9

Closer, Nine Inch Nails

Pain, Three Days Grace

Ch 10

Sweet Dreams, Marilyn Manson

Trouble, Coldplay

Ch 11

Creep, Radiohead

Ch 12

Mad World, Gary Jules

Ch 13

Bittersweet Symphony, the Verve

Chapter 14

Moving On, Nick Cave and Warren Ellis


	16. Sequel?

Sooooo! I have had a few reviews and PMs telling me I should mark this story as complete since the last chapter is up. And the story is complete..._however_...I have been toying with the idea of a sequel!

This would be darker than the first part, and the story would revolve around Hermione being kidnapped. It picks up several months after the end of the first story. I love the way Severus opens up to Hermione and les her into his heart. But he is such a bad ass character that I can't help but want to write a second part where we see what happens when someone fucks with the people Severus loves.

I have a little exerpt of what I have written so far, just a little teaser, and then I may put up a first chapter soon...

"Seve-!" She was gone. The death eaters around him started to disappear noiselessly. They'd gotten what they came for. Rage, white hot fury burned through Severus. They'd taken Hermione. They'd fucking taken her! His arm shot out with almost inhuman speed. His wand flashed, there was a sickening crack, and then the death Eater who had first spoken was flung back before he could disappear. His head hit the stone wall, the crack was his skill smashing into it. Severus felt no pleasure at it. Pleasure was a sensation he was devoid of now. He was a black hole, empty, cold as death, dark as Voldermort's soul. He advanced on the man looking like he had just sprung from the underworld, a demonic apparition come to torment the living. But he only had eyes for one man. And torment was indeed his intent.

Severus snatched the man's shirt and apperiated them to the dungeons. Not to the class, nor his own rooms. A chamber in the deepest part of the dungeons. A chamber that no one had been save him in over a hundred years. It contained all the darkest arts he'd ever had to use in Voldermort's service. There were things in here that few knew of, and those who did wished they were dead within moments of learning of their existence. Severus did not hesitate. There was no conscious telling him that this was wrong. He did not stop to think about what his mentor Dumbledore would have said. He did not stop to think of the illegality nor the immorality of what he was about to do. They had taken his remorse. They had taken his heart. They had taken _Hermione._

And they had created a monster that none of them had ever seen the likes of..

so there is your little teaser! There will of course be lots of romantic moments, as well as some funny ones, but a large chunk of the story will be what Severus is willing to do to get Hermione back. Which is anything, of course.

Let me know what you think! I love to hear from you all!


	17. Forever and For Always chapter 1

_**A/U** _This first chapter has a little recap of the first story, and then a little view of their lives together. Hope you like it!

_Four months later_

Severus Snape had spent more than a decade being feared and hated. He'd sacrificed everything he'd ever wanted in life. And then, after being called back from the brink of death, he'd been given a chance at everything he'd hardly dared hope to desire. His ex student, Hermione Granger, had come into his life again and worked her way into his heart. She'd brought him back to life once before, and she did it again- this time by opening him up in ways he'd never wanted to be opened. But he had fallen in love with her, he, Severus Snape, could not help but love her. And be it by some miracle or twist of fate, she loved him back.

When he told her they could never be committed to each other because of their vast difference in age, she'd bound their lives together. An incredibly stupid, incredibly romantic spell that both shortened her life and lengthened his. Instead of him dying possibly twenty years before her, he would live ten years longer, and she, ten shorter. He'd even stopped aging, his body frozen until she was closer to his age and they would start to age together. After recovering from the shock, Severus had asked her to marry him, in a most un-Snape like display of romance and affection. But Hermione brought it out in him. She took him back to the man he'd been before all the insanity had started, before he'd had to harden his heart. Around her, he was the man he could have been if his life had taken a different path.

He was still getting used to being that man. He would never change who he was. He was always going to be the sneering, disdainful potions master, but now that he was free to do so, he was acting like the man he'd buried and hidden out of necessity. He was capable of immense compassion, dark humor and intense, overwhelming love. Not to mention how his lust was sparked. After so long of lying dormant, his libido seemed intent on making up for lost time. He was more like a green youth in bed with Hermione than a man of forty. Of course, his skill hadn't regressed. Of that, Hermione attested every night in gasping screaming orgasms. Which pleased hm to no end and brought out a ridiculous but nevertheless savage masculine pride in him.

For several months now they had been engaged. Not quietly, but not publicly either. The other Hogwarts staff had known for several months that they were together, much to their confusion and wonder. After his initial shunning of them all when he'd been praised as a hero, he'd opened up some and even stopped magically making his eyes black and hair greasy, but he was still Snape, after all. And she was Hermione Granger, the young, beautiful woman who was the brightest witch of their age. Of course, no one expressed those sentiments to either Snape or Hermione personally. They all valued their skins too much for that.

So far, Ginny (who much to Severus' displeasure had known about Hermione's feeling for him even before he had), her fiance Harry (who'd figured it out not long after and happily accepted Severus into their lives) and even Ron (who had grudgingly accepted them after narrowly avoiding a hex from Hermione for declaring it impossible that they were in love, "because he's _Snape!_") and Minerva knew about their engagement. Severus hoped not many others would have to know about it. Not that he didn't want the world to know that Hermione was his- quite the opposite in fact, he continually felt a primal urge to shout it to the world. But everyone who heard felt the need, after the initial shock of course, to offer their _felicitations._ Which often meant they thought such things as _hugging_ necessary. He shuddered at the thought.

Even Potter had given him a kind of man handshake/hug when he'd found out. He no longer hated the boy. Because looking into his eyes he no longer saw Lily and felt the tearing guilt. Harry's eyes were still the keen and unique green that Lily's had been, but now the memory of her and what had happened to her weren't what drove Severus to do the right thing. Now he had Hermione in his life. Now _she_ was the voice in his head, driving him to be better. And with the terrible guilt gone, he could look at the man Harry had become and feel nothing more than a mild dislike because he looked like someone who had tormented Severus as a boy. Of course that hadn't made their strange hug any easier for Severus. He did _not _like being touched. Hermione being the exception of course. And Ginny, too, had embraced him. He didn't have any particular feeling towards her at all after his initial chagrin at finding himself teaching yet another Weasley. But she seemed to think him about as terrifying as a toothless puppy now that she knew he loved Hermione. At least Ronald had restrained himself and only offered Severus a handshake. Which he appreciated. Even if Ron was still a twit. Which he was. At least in Severus' mind.

Then again, now he experienced things like _jealousy_ and couldn't exactly trust his judgment when it came to anything related to Hermione. She brought out the best in him, but the worst in him too. The day they had been in muggle London to buy Hermione muggle clothes- which he both loved and hated, as they were ridiculous and uncouth but strangely sexy on her- Severus had almost hexed the sales man who had been staring at her. And he had been unable to prevent himself from cursing the foolish boy who'd grabbed her ass when he walked by and called for her to, 'ditch daddy and come have fun' with him. Severus felt a rush of pleasure knowing that the stupid boy would be unable to have any 'fun' in the foreseeable future. Yes, Hermione took him closer to the light, but he was still the man he'd always been and he would be cold, calculating and ruthless in keeping her and protecting her.

He'd been given a second chance, at life and at happiness. And no one, nothing would take her away from him.

*Please Please review! I love to hear from you all! More to come soon : )

Also-Do you all want me to do a play list for this story as well?


	18. Forever and For Always ch 2

**That first chapter was mostly a recap, plus I got such great reviews from you all that I decided to give you this section today, too! Hope you enjoy it!**

***Also, I haven't gotten alot of feedback about if you all want a playlist, but what I have gotten has been super positive, so I did put songs with this chapter. If you haven't voiced your opinion, don't forget to let me know : ) ***

Ch 2 Please dont let me be Misunderstood, the Animals (this is practically Severus' theme song!) and Down with the Sickness, Disturbed (at about 3:30 in this song, it deviates from anything even remotely having to do with the story, just FYI. Feel free to stop it there if you like)

For months now, Severus had been working on making a ring for her. His knowledge of alchemy was better than most, but he wasn't a master at the art and the work was slow. His knowledge of potions along with a long lost hobby that had once made his hands nimble at making such delicate craft had helped him along. Now, he was almost finished. He had his own ring complete and was putting the final touches on the matching ring that would be Hermione's. It was much more finely wrought, infinitely delicate but strong, much like the woman herself. He only needed a few more days and he would be able to give it to her.

At first he had worried that she would think rings he made himself were stupid. He'd felt ridiculous and self conscious and it had made him angry and bitter that he felt that way. Hermione, who should have been the last person he treated badly, was the one he took it out on. She'd let the first few snarling comments he'd given her roll off her shoulders and credited them to him being him. But at a certain point she drew a line. He was still Snape, but he was also the man she loved and shared her life with.

The first day he snapped at her she had soothed him and then forgot the incident. Severus had been vigorous and insatiable in bed that night, assuring himself that she loved him, that she would _never _see him as ridiculous. The second day he'd snapped she simply ignored it. He'd been insatiable again that night, feeling guilt for taking his insecurities out on her and not knowing how to show his regret. While Hermione always appreciated the extra attention in the bedroom, he was already attentive enough in bed and she wasn't willing to put up with being his scape goat. She knew the man he truly was and expected better from him. So when he snapped at her the third day, she snapped back.

"I am not your whipping boy, Severus. If you are having a problem with someone else take it up with them, don't take it out on me. And if its me that you're so upset with then have the heart to tell me upfront. Don't just snarl at me every time we speak!"

He'd stood speechless for a moment and then his temper worked faster than his brain.

"I will _snarl_ all I want, Hermione, I am an adult and can speak however I wish. I'll never be a puppy for you to lead around and scold when I misbehave." His words were hissed, and she simply stared at him. When she spoke again her voice was tight.

"I am fully aware of that, Severus. You're right, snarl all you want. But I am your future wife, the woman you love- the woman who loves you. Remember that the next time you speak to me." She kept her tone cold and turned away from him to leave the room. Severus groaned and pulled her back to him.

"Damn it, I didn't mean that!" She stayed stiff and wouldn't turn to face him. "Stop," he growled, both to himself and to her. "I know who you are and what you mean to me, I can never fucking forget it!" He was yelling and she moved to pull from his arms. He still held her against him, unwilling to let her walk away like that. "Goddammit, I'm sorry!" She froze and then turned to him. "I don't-" he ran his hand through his hair and tried to moderate his tone. "I don't want to hurt you." His voice was rough and broken. "I love you. I just..." He turned and stalked away from her to pace across the room. "I do not know how to deal with the emotions you bring out in me!" He ran his hand through his hair again and let out a sigh. Hermione came up behind him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"What's wrong, Sev? What is it that's upsetting you?" Her voice was soft and searching.

"I am...making something for you." He admitted it grudgingly.

"Like, a present?!" There was a light in her eyes and she smiled like a kid at Christmas.

"Something like that."

"And you're making it?"

"Yes," he bit out.

"Severus, that's wonderful! What is it? No wait, don't tell me. I don't want to spoil the surprise, and homemade gifts are the best!" She hopped up and down a little and looked at him like he'd hung the moon. "Is it for my birthday? Sev that's so far away! You can't make me wait that long! Maybe if I am very, very good you'll give it to me early?" She batted her eyes at him and smiled so happily that he had to chuckle at her.

"No, its not for your birthday. Its because I love you and I want to give it to you."

"Then when do it get it?!"

"Its not done yet," he said carefully, gauging her reaction. "You might find it ridiculous and refuse it." His tone was stiff.

"Oh, Severus, is that what this is about?" She cut him to the quick, seeing right into his soul. He feigned indifference. She put her hand on his chest over his heart and looked up into his eyes. He was helpless not to look back at her. "Anything that comes from you will be precious to me, if for no other reason than that _you_ gave it to me. But something you make for me...I will treasure it forever, Severus. I can promise you that."

He stared at her for a long time, studying her. Her sincerity rang through him. She meant it. He finally gave her a nod and pulled her close to him. The kiss he planted on her forehead was lingering. His body was stirring again but they had to get to class. Hermione pulled away slightly after a moment and looked up at him.

"So...what is it?" He laughed at her demanding inquiry and kissed her again. After that, he felt no more than a twinge of unease at the thought of giving her the rings. He worked even harder to make sure hers was perfect, exquisite, something she would treasure because it was beautiful, not just because he had made it.

Now that he was almost done, he knew she would love them. And it wasn't just his trademark arrogance that made him think so. They truly were exquisite. Even a master-craftsman would have trouble finding fault with them. He had only to finish the enchantments on them and give them to her.

The morning he chose to give them to her dawned clear and bright. Most of the students were gone for the holidays. He woke, as he always woke now, with Hermione in his arms. There were times when he dreamed that it had never happened. That he was still cold and alone. Then his body would come awake and he would feel her there, warm and real. He would pull her tighter against him, kiss her awake and then they would end up rushing to morning classes at the last moment. Hermione loved those mornings. This morning he took his time with her, not feeling any need to rush loving her. When they finally left the bed, he suggested a walk in the gardens after breakfast. Surprised but happy, Hermione agreed.

As they walked, Severus fidgeted with the small box in his pocket that held the rings. She'd already agreed to marry him, for fucks sake! Why was he so nervous? It seemed that when it came to Hermione all his rational thought abandoned him and only baser emotions remained.

She was chatting about which flowers were blooming, which student had discovered a new use for which herb... he really should be listening, but all he could think about was finding the perfect time to pull her to the side and give her the little box. One or two students who had stayed behind for the holiday walked past them. Severus glared at them so menacingly that they didn't stop to talk. Then they had the garden to themselves. She stopped to look down at a particularly lovely bloom and he decided it was time. He cleared his throat and pulled out the box. She turned around to face him, a smile on her face. Then her smile froze. Shit shit shit. Was it a bad time and he just hadn't known? Why was she looking at him like Death Eaters had just appeared behind him?

Sweet Salizar.

He turned slowly, caging Hermione against the wall by stepping back against her. She started to pull out her wand but he growled, "No." He narrowed his eyes at the group. There weren't that many. He could dispatch them without Hermione worrying herself. And with her safely behind him he would not have to worry for her well being. He could fight more clearheaded.

"I thought you said he wouldn't be here," one hissed to the other.

"He never comes out into the gardens, we assumed she would be alone!"

She? They were talking about Hermione! What did they want her for?

"We should just grab him now!"

"Are you stupid?" Another answered. "If we try he'll kill us all right here. Stick to the plan!"

Whatever their plan was, Severus had no intention of letting them stick to it. They advanced on him as a group and he let them. He smiled coldly, assessing them one by one.

In a flash, spells started to fly. Severus blocked them with ease, his wand sparking and his sinister smile still in place. Who did they think they were dealing with? This was child's play. One of the Death Eaters was getting closer to him. Severus allowed it, letting the man think it was safe. He would grab the man and diswand him. Hermione never gave him the chance. The death eater took one more step closer and her wand arm flew out from behind him, throwing a curse at the man. He lunged to the side, narrowly missing her spell and then laughed. His hand snaked out, long fingers wrapping around Hermione's forearm tightly. Severus had time only to turn his head and meet the eyes of the death eater, who smiled jubilantly, and then his eyes flew to Hermione's. They were wide as she realized what was happening. He started to yell her name, even knowing there was nothing he could do. He was too late already.

"Seve-!" She was gone. The death eaters around him started to disappear noiselessly. They'd gotten what they came for. Rage, white hot fury burned through Severus. They'd taken Hermione. They'd fucking taken her! His arm shot out with almost inhuman speed. His wand flashed, there was a sickening crack, and then the death eater who had first spoken was flung back before he could disappear. His head hit the stone wall- the crack was his skull smashing into it. Severus felt no pleasure at it. Pleasure was a sensation he was devoid of now. He was a black hole, empty, cold as death, dark as Voldermort's soul. He advanced on the man looking like he had just sprung from beyond the veil, a demonic apparition come to torment the living. But he only had eyes for one man. And torment was indeed his intent.

Severus snatched the man's shirt and appariated them to the dungeons. Not to the class, nor his own rooms. A chamber in the deepest part of the dungeons. A chamber that no one had been inside, save him, in over a hundred years. It contained all the darkest arts he'd ever had to use in Voldermort's service. There were things in here that few knew of, and those who did wished they were dead within moments of learning of their existence. Severus did not hesitate. There was no conscience telling him that this was wrong. He did not stop to think about what his mentor Dumbledore would have said. He did not stop to think of the illegality nor the immorality of what he was about to do. They had taken his remorse. They had taken his heart. They had taken _Hermione._

And they had created a monster that none of them had ever seen the likes of. Voldermort had killed a woman he'd once loved. It had sparked a twenty year vendetta from him. This time they had taken not only a woman he loved, but one who loved him back. The woman he was going to marry. The future mother of his children. His stomach tightened in impotent rage at the thought. None of them would live to stand trial. Not one of them would fucking live. Azkaban was too good for them. He would end all their miserable lives himself. They would look into his eyes and scream in terror and he would laugh as they died.

He chained the death eater up to shackles hanging from the ceiling. With a flick of his wand they tightened and pulled up so that the man's toes barely brushed the ground. A tantalizing hope for relief from the pressure on his wrists and shoulders that would never come to fruition. Then with another flick, the man awoke sputtering and coughing as if a bucket of water had been thrown on his head. He blinked a few times, and then he saw Severus. He paled and whimpered. Then he seemed to remember himself.

"What are you going to do, traitor? Put the cruciatus curse on me?" He spit at Severus' feet. "You can't. You are too _good_ for that. You wouldn't dare break one of your precious laws!" Severus stepped closer to him.

"You have no idea what I am," he whispered. The man blanched. "I'm not going to use the cruciatus curse on you," he said silkily. The death eater looked relieved but it was short lived. "That is too clean for what I want. I plan on taking extra care with you, you see. I am going to use my bare hands. There are things worse than the cruciatus curse. And Voldermort trained me in them well."

"I'll never tell you where they are!" It was false bravado and they both knew it.

"Oh yes, you will. After a few minutes, you will be begging me to allow you to tell me. But I'm not sure I will be ready then. I think I will keep going. I think I will have fun with you." There was a glint in his eyes that made the death eater believe what he said.

"Wait-"

"No, I don't think I will. Lets get started." He picked up a silver implement from the counter and advanced upon the shackled man. In seconds, blood curdling screams were echoing through the halls of the dungeon. No one was around to hear them.

*****Dun dun dunnnnn... are you guys as excited as I am to see what happens next? Review and let me know! My creative mojo runs on reviews! ; ) ******


	19. Forever and For Always ch 3

**Hope you like it!**

Half an hour later, Severus strode purposely towards the headmaster's chambers. He hadn't taken nearly as long with the death eater as he would have liked to, but he could not forget that every moment he wasted on the man was another moment Hermione was in the hands of the others. Severus hadn't wanted to be merciful on the man, but in the end, when he'd sobbingly begged for it, Severus had finally granted him a swift death. No one would ever find his body.

Minerva looked up when he walked in and she gasped. Severus did not acknowledge the reaction. He knew what he looked like. He was streaked with blood and there was murder in his eyes. His hand gripped his wand so hard that his knuckles were white.

"Severus, what is it?" her voice was high with concern.

"I will be leaving the school for a time." His tone brooked no argument.

"I...what is going on? Where are you going? When will you be back?"

"I do not know when I will return. Hopefully within a few days. Hermione's been taken. I am going to retrieve her." The way he said _retrieve_ sent shivers down Minerva's back. He turned and walked from her office.

"Wait, Severus! Taken? Taken where?" Her voice faded behind him as he strode out into the corridor and outside the castle. He took his moment of readying himself. There could be no mistakes. Hermione's life was at stake. He would not fail.

After a deep breath to steady his hands, he appariated to the unsavory pub which was the closest location he knew to the place the death eater had said they were holding Hermione.

He pulled up his hood as he went down the dark alley behind the pub. He did not want anyone to see him and later tarnish Hermione's name because of what he intended to do. It only took him a few moments to locate the street he was searching for. Then he saw the house. It was run down, the wood rotten and the structure collapsing from the inside out. As he got closer his heart sank. He did not feel the same pull that he usually did whenever Hermione was near. Because of the binding spell he could usually feel her when she got close. He only felt the same emptiness that had been consuming him since she'd been taken. But he was still alive, which meant she was not dead.

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Hermione struggled to gain her bearings. As she did, she clutched her wand, refusing to let it be snatched from her hand. It was her only defense against them. Why had she reached out?! She should have known Severus had a plan! And now she had been captured by the death eaters, which was exactly what they had planned. They were using her as bait to draw Severus onto their home ground.

A bright light seared her eyes and she gasped when a fist struck her jaw. Then a spell smashed against her chest, the impact knocking the wind from her. She flailed, then fell back. As she fell she flung out random curses towards her attackers. She heard grunts and took satisfaction in knowing at least a few had landed. The satisfaction was short lived though. She hit the ground hard, struggling to get her breath back. Before she could push to her feet again she was blasted back once more. She braced for another spell to be thrown at her but was caught off guard. It wasn't a curse that hit her next, it was a boot. It smashed down on her wand arm with crushing force. She felt bones snap and pop sickeningly.

But she did not scream. Maybe if she didn't scream they wouldn't know her wrist was broken. Maybe they would approach cautiously still and give her a chance to-

The boot lifted. Gritting her teeth against the agony she lifted her arm. Her wand hung limply in her fingers and the death eater nearest her laughed. Letting the anger burn through the pain she shot him with a curse. He screamed and fell back. Another stepped up and stomped down on her wrist again. The searing pain made stars dance before her eyes. She tried to close her fingers around her wand but they wouldn't move. Her wrist was crushed. The death eater pinning her wrist down snatched her wand and kicked her hard in the ribs. She rolled away from him and curled in on herself. They had taken her wand. She was defenseless.

NO!

She wasn't the brightest witch of her age for nothing. There were still things she could do even without her wand. She would bide her time, and when they gave her an opportunity, she would-

Suddenly the room went icy cold. She looked up and could see the breath of all the men standing over her.

"Backup's arrived," one sneered down at her. They all took a step back. Hermione's eyes flew to the door. Blackness seemed to engulf the room. Slowly, insidiously, a dark form floated through. A long tattered black cloak dragged on the ground as it came. Knowing what she was about to see, Hermione lifted her eyes. The hood was pulled down over the face, but a jagged hole of a mouth was visible. She felt the chill of the room seep into her soul. They had brought a dementor to feed off of her.

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	20. Forever and For Always ch 4

**Another little snippet for you all : ))) **

Chapter 4 Gravity, A Perfect Circle (song for this chapter)

Severus tore through the house, practically taking it apart, one rotted board at a time. She wasn't here, and he knew it. He needed to stop wasting time. But he had to be sure. When the last stone had been upturned, he stopped to think. They must have realized he'd taken one of their companions. Did they have two safe houses set up? No. The death eater he'd tortured would have told him if there was a second location. He was absolutely positive. So they had to have gone somewhere familiar to them. A last minute decision once they knew their location had been compromised. It wouldn't be magically protected from being located as this one had been. They weren't counting on Severus being there. They had assumed they would be able to snatch Hermione with little fight and no one would be left behind.

Idiots, all of them. Did they think Hermione would have been taken without a fight? Even if they had caught her alone, she would have taken out at least one of them before they grabbed her. And the end result would still be the same. But where had they gone now? He tried to unclench his fists. The rage would do him no good here. _She _wasn't here. He could not punish the ones who had taken her until he found her.

He stood in the ruins of the house and started drawing up a tracer spell. If he could just-

All the breath in his lungs turned to ice. Severus fell to his knees, gasping, clutching his heart. _Hermione!_ Was she dying? But no, his heart still beat, even against the pain. His fingers grew numb. Then there was an icy pain that lanced through him. It was like a vacuum had opened inside of him. It would have sucked out all the happiness, all the joy, all the light inside of him. Except they were already gone, because Hermione was gone.

He gritted his teeth and rose slowly from his knees. Wherever they had her, a dementor was there. And it was feeding on her.

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Hermione pulled tighter against the wall. The dementor floated closer to her, its ghastly laughter filling her head. The death eaters were gathered on the far side of the room, talking amongst themselves.

"He'll come looking for her, and when he does-"

The dementor reached its hand out to her. She flinched back and shut her eyes against it. She knew it would do her no good.

"I don't see why we left, so what if he knew-"

The slow tearing began. All happiness, laughter, everything good inside of her slipping away.

"He would have been on us in moments! Do you want to face-"

All of her darkest fears converged on her at once. Severus, coming to save her. Being caught off guard. Being taken. Tortured. Killed. Severus, dead. _Oh gods no. Please no_.

"When he comes out we will find him, and it will be on our terms-"

They were going to kill him. She felt the light inside of herself dim. But no, they wouldn't have the chance. If the dementor killed her first...he would die with her. She would never see him again. _No!_ She couldn't let it happen. She had to survive, so that he could survive. There was only one thing she could think of to do.

She gathered close inside of herself all of her happy memories, all of her love, all of her spirit, and extinguished them. Then she only had one thing left. She pulled it out in her mind and examined it longingly, like the oh so precious thing it was. In her minds eye, she cradled it in her hand, so fragile, so tenuous. Then she closed her fist tight, and quietly let hope die.

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Severus felt the light extinguish inside of her. He closed his eyes against the pain of it. He hadn't realized that while he'd let everything inside of himself go, there had still been that part of her that was inextricably bound to him burning brightly inside of him, tucked away behind his heart. Feeling her let go, knowing she kept nothing for herself but despair, wracked him with more pain than he'd ever experienced. He felt moisture on his face and opened his eyes. He looked up to the sky but there was no rain. They were tears. Tears falling down his face as he felt the woman he loved let go of everything inside of herself.

The rage nearly blinded him. The firestorm of it pounded in his veins, seductively whispering _kill kill kill._ And he would. But he had to keep a clear head. He had to find her. And the death eaters would be watching for him. But they had no idea the monster they'd awoken.

He finished the tracer spell and sent it out. Then he knelt in the ruins of the house and strengthened his tie to her. Their bond was already strong, binding their life forces together. He had never strained it, never tested its limits. He did now. And with intense concentration he could _feel _her. He could feel the cold breaths she took, the agony in her wrist. He projected his mind forward- leaving his body vulnerable- but she needed him. And across the distance, through the space separating them, he wrapped his arms protectively around her.

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	21. Forever and For Always ch 5

**_NOTE-PLEASE READ THIS FIRST! _**_This chapter contains a very poignant but very cruel scene in which Hermione is assaulted. If you do not wish to read this chapter, there is a summary at the end that will recap the improtant events for you. Either way, enjoy, and don't forget to let me know what you think._

Chapter 5 Pet, A Perfect Circle (I was going to put a softer, more emotional song to this, like Run by Snow Patrol-I might use that one somewhere later on!-or Brena, which is also by Perfect circle, but then I heard this one, and there wasn't even a contest. This is his song to her during all this. )

Hermione felt arms around her. She felt warm breath on her neck. Instantly she stiffened, struggling. But there was nothing physical to fight off. The touch was inside her mind. Was it a trick? Something the dementor had conjured to torture her?

_No._

She blinked.

"What?" She whispered the words, barely daring to believe that the word had come from inside of her.

_I'm with you, Hermione. I won't leave you alone. I am coming for you._

She gasped. Severus? How was it possible? Was their bond really that strong that he could speak to her this way? How could she be sure it wasn't a trick?

_Ah, my Lady Felicis, so ready to question everything. It is me, I swear to you. And I am coming._

No! You can't! It had to be him, he was the only one who called her that. No one, not even Ginny knew about his name for her. But if he came, they would have him! The death eaters, the dementor...they would kill him!

_No. Have you no faith in me? You know me, Hermione. You know what I am capable of. They have done something unforgivable by taking you. And they do not know their peril. They will all die._

But they had a plan, there were so many of them...

_Hermione, listen to me. I will come for you. And I will kill them. I will kill them all. There are parts of me that you have never seen, only heard of. You will see them when I come for you. It cannot be helped, though I would rather you never see me like that. But have no doubt that I _will _come, and they _will _die._

She only nodded, knowing he could feel the action. The thought flitted across her mind that when they came through this, it would be extraordinarily useful to be able to communicate with him like this.

_Yes, Lady Felicis, it will be._ For the first time there was amusement in his tone.

The door banged open, making Hermione jump. She looked up and felt Severus' arms tighten around her. One of the death eaters stood in the door way, another behind him.

"I don't see why not," the second was saying. "We only need him to know she's alive until he gets here. As long as she's alive, the plan will work. Why not have a little fun with her in the mean time?" He nodded encouragingly to the first man.

"Thanks. I've been itching for this since I first saw the bitch. Gods this is going to be fun." He stepped in the room and motioned to the dementor. "Hey, you. Get out of here for a bit." The dementor only looked at him in that eerie way.

"He probably wants to siphon off the fear she'll be shedding like a second skin. I doubt you'll be able to get him to leave," the second man commented.

"Shit, I don't want that fucking creep watching over my shoulder!" He shuddered. The first man shrugged.

"Take it or leave it, I guess." Then he walked back into the other room. The first man looked from Hermione to the dementor. He paused, considering. Then he took a step towards Hermione, unbuckling his belt as he came.

Oh gods. Oh gods. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be. Even when she'd been tortured at Malfoy Manor she hadn't had to endure this indignity. And Severus! He was still joined to her. He would see it, feel it...

_Let go of your body, Hermione. Let me take over. Let me kill him._ The voice sent shivers down her spine. It no longer sounded like the man she knew. It sounded hellish. Demonic. She could...she could let Severus take over for her. He knew about physical fighting. He could kill the man...

But no. If something went wrong, if the fight went the other way, or if he used his wand, he could kill her. And if he killed her, then Severus would die too. She couldn't risk it. Get out Severus. Let me go. She tried to shut her mind against him. For a moment she succeed. She felt cold and bereft. A tear fell down her cheek and she trembled.

_No! I am not leaving you! _He pushed back into her mind. His arms were around her again, holding her tight.

You have to, Severus. I can't stop him. And I can't let you try. I can't risk getting killed and you dying in the process. Please, please leave. Please. She whispered into her mind, begging him to allow one of them to be spared this indignity.

_Never. _It was a growl, a promise, a plea of his own. _I will not leave you, Hermione._

When she pushed again, his hold was too strong. She stopped a shuddering sob and took a deep breath. The death eater was kneeling down beside her.

"Now don't give me any trouble," he said viciously. "You don't have to be in decent condition to draw the traitor here. Just alive. Don't give me any reason to fuck you up any more than I'm already gonna." Hermione nodded slowly, more tears falling. She let him push her back, saving her strength. He ripped her blouse apart. She squeezed her eyes shut. Then she took another deep breath while he pulled her pants down. Pulling on all of her resolve, she pushed Severus back. He was still in her mind, but only observing. He could see, but not feel. It was all she could do. She was unable to push him any farther.

_Let me back in, Hermione. We will get through this. Together._

No. I can't push you all the way out, but I can keep this much back. Just...just hold me.

A myriad of curses she'd never even heard of filled her head, but his arms came more firmly around her. He calmed, and then murmured soothingly into her mind. She felt the kiss he pressed to the top of her head. She felt him rocking her gently against his chest as the man in front of her spread her legs. Severus' hold on her was nearly crushing, holding her so tightly she could not focus on the feel of the man's hands on her, touching her. But he could not hold her tight enough for her not to feel when the death eater tried to push into her. She was already small there, her body fighting him and she could not will it otherwise even though it would have saved her pain.

He pushed, cursed and pushed again. Agony burned up through her as he succeeded. She turned her head to the side, where she could feel Severus' face against her. She tried to focus on the feel of his hair brushing her face, his arms so tightly around her, rocking her gently. She tried to block out the horror of what was being done to her. The pain of it. The shame.

_No, Hermione. Don't- don't._ His voice was broken, haunted. _There is nothing shameful about this. You are the bravest woman know. You are the most pure thing in my life. This cannot taint you. It cannot touch you. You are too good._

She knew he meant the words now as he was saying them, but what about when this was all over? Would he still want her, knowing that this bastard, this death eater, had taken her like this? Had touched her like this?

_Gods Hermione, please, please never think that. I love you. Forever and for always. I will always want you, all of you. This cannot taint you. He will take this to his grave, and you and I will never think of it again._

But she would. She knew she would have nightmares about it. Would Severus too?

_We will get through it together, Hermione. Believe in me. Have faith in me, please. I have never been the man I should have been, I have never been _good. _But with you I am. With you I can do anything. For you I can do anything. Trust me, Lady Felicis. Please._

Severus you have always been good. You have always put others before yourself. You are the best man I know. I trust you. If you say we can get through this, then we can. She tried to relax into his arms, loose herself in his phantom embrace.

I love you.

_And I you, Hermione. Forever and for always._

With a groan the man atop her finished and sat up. He grinned down at her.

"You probably enjoyed that, didn't you?" His tone was mocking, taunting. Hermione did not look at him. She turned her gaze to the dementor.

"No, but I'm sure he did." Her voice was devoid of emotion. The death eater followed her eyes and cringed.

"Shut the fuck up," he snarled. He kicked out and connected with her stomach. She doubled over and did not make a sound. She would not give him the satisfaction. He looked back at the dementor one more time and shuddered. Then he left.

Hermione slowly re dressed herself, her hands shaking. She wondered if any of the others would come in as well. But after a few minutes she realized the thought of the dementor must be keeping them at bay. She could be grateful for that at least.

Then, sheer exhaustion overtook her. She snuggled deeper into Severus' arms and allowed her eyes to close. Her last thought before sleep took her was, thank you...

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When Hermione fell unconscious, Severus pulled all but a trace of himself from her mind. He was shaking so badly he didn't know if he could stand. He'd never felt such impotent rage. He thought he knew what hatred was, but he had never before felt anything this black. He thought he knew what anger was, but the fury roiling through him was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. And pain, unbelievable pain. Physical torture had nothing on this. The loss of Lily was the closest he'd ever come to feeling like this, and even that was only a drop compared to this sea of pain.

He knew they would die. He tried to sooth himself with the thought that soon they would be in his grasp, their necks in his hands. He would wring the life from them. He would tear their spines from their backs and throw them at his feet. He would...

He would get her back. The only thing stronger inside of him than his need to kill them, to make them suffer, was his need to get Hermione and keep her safe.

When his tracer spell came back to him, he surged to his feet. He knew where she was. He would find her.

_I'm coming,_ he whispered to her sleeping mind.

**Summary: **Hermione feels Severus' mental hold, his arms around her. He speaks to her in her mind and convinces her that it is really him and not a trick by using his name for her (Lady Felicis) which no one else knows about. He tells her he is coming for her. Then one of the Death Eaters comes into the room they are holding her in. As he prepares to assault her, Hermione tries to push Severus from her mind so that he will not feel it too. He refuses to leave her, telling her they will get through it together. Hermione gathers all her strength and pushes him out of her mind far enough that he can still mentally hold her, but cannot feel what is being done to her. He soothes her, telling her that together they can get through anything. When the death eater is finished, Hermione worries that the others will come in as well but realizes that the dementor is keeping them from coming in. Finally, she falls asleep.

Severus comes back to himself and the tracer spell returns (this part is ok to g oback up and read, if you skipped the rest because of the assault scene) and he swears once more that he will get her back and the death eaters will die. He whispers to her sleeping mind that he is coming, and the chapter ends.

*********Hope you all enjoyed that. Don't worry, there will be more coming soon. Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, and thanks especially to my repeat reviewers-you know who you are! Keep them coming, I love to hear from you!*********************


	22. Forever and For Always chapter 6

**Ok people, here is the next chapter! Hope you like it! : ) ****

Chapter 6 Somebody Someone, Korn

The location wasn't one he was familiar with, but he could appariate himself to the place the tracer spell had stopped. He focused his mind and moved the exact location a few meters back. He wanted to land outside the house. He wanted to have time to gather his wits before he went inside. He wanted them to know what was coming before he killed them.

In a barely perceptible movement he landed outside the house. He studied it for a moment, looking for ways the death eaters would try to escape. The windows were boarded up and the front door he would be blocking. That left only the back door to deal with. Perfect. If he wanted, they could be dead before they even knew what was happening. But he wanted them to know. He wanted to see their fear. He wanted to hear their pleas for their worthless, pathetic lives. He wanted to hear them scream as they died.

With a flick of his wand the door banged open. He walked slowly across the threshold. All eyes in the room flew to him. They widened in shock. Their pupils dilated in fear. They lunged for their wands.

And the bloodbath began.

Hermione jerked awake. Someone was in the room with her. Not just the dementor. No, one of the death eaters was coming in, shutting the door behind him. Oh god. She reached out but couldn't feel Severus except as a whisper of a touch. She searched for his mind and saw the outside of a house. She heard his words echoing in her head. _I'm coming_. Was he here already?

The death eater had only taken one step towards her when the screams started. He turned from her, staring at the door. Terror crossed his features. Whatever his original intention, now fear motivated him. He rushed over to Hermione and jerked her up to him. She cried out as her wrist was caught between them, the pain shooting up her arm. He held his wand at her throat. The dementor chuckled hauntingly, gluttonous from the emotions surging around him.

One minute passed. Then two. Five minutes later the last scream died out. It echoed through the house chillingly. Hermione's eyes were glued to the door knob. She knew the death eaters' were as well. There was a silence. Then the knob started to turn. The man holding her tightened his grip on her, a soft moan of terror escaping his throat. Hermione knew what was coming. The door opened.

He was her worst nightmare.

He was her sweetest dream.

Severus walked through the door, wand raised. His eyes were dark with something so potent that rage seemed too pale a word for it. He stood tall and menacing, his black clothing now dark red with blood. It dripped from his hair and streaked his face. He took in the situation, looking from the dementor, to the death eater, to Hermione. He raised his wand a little higher. Time seemed to stand still. As she watched, a drop of blood rolled to the tip of his wand and hung, suspended. It dripped and fell to the floor.

"Put your wand down or I'll-"

"_Avada Kadavra_!" Severus didn't even let the man finish his threat. He shot the killing curse at him with perfect aim. The death eater did not even have a chance to blink before he fell to the floor, dead. Hermione stumbled, her legs unsteady. She tried to step towards Severus.

Everything happened at once.

Hermione's legs gave out and she sprawled on the floor, reaching out for Severus. He was at her side instantly, his gaze not on her, but on the dementor. Seeing it would get nothing more from them, it had turned on them. Hermione felt it tearing at her again, at the hope she could no longer extinguish. Severus turned his wand on it.

"_Expecto Patronus_!" In a flash of white light the spell took form. And neither of them could have expected what happened. Ever since he'd learned to cast the Patronus charm, it had taken the form of a doe. He knew it had done that because of his love for Lily. He even knew that Tonk's patronus had changed when she fell in love with Lupin, to that of a wolf. But he'd never thought his would change. What emerged from his wand was not a doe. It was an otter; not like Hermione's river otter, but a giant otter like those found in the Amazon. It was almost six feet long, with claws and fangs bared. It slipped through the air like it was slipping through water. The dementor saw it and shrank back. But the otter was faster. It wrapped itself around the dementor and squeezed. The animal pulsed light so brightly that Hermione and Severus had to look away. Then with a loud crack like lightning, the dementor split apart. Its long tattered robes flitted slowly to the ground in pieces.

The patronus came back to them, glowing fainter every moment. It slid around Hermione and stayed there for just a moment. Hermione could feel some of the weight of dread inside of her lifting. She reached out to touch the otter and it moved back to Severus' wand; then the remaining light of its body flowed back into the wand.

Severus looked down at Hermione. Her eyes met his and he searched them for fear. For trepidation. There was none. Just relief and love. In the space of a heartbeat he had her in his arms. His real arms wrapped around her. The phantom touch had been soothing for them both, but it was nothing compared to this. He carefully cradled her wrist while she buried her face into his neck and finally let loose the sobs she'd been holding in. She crawled into his lap and clung to him. With his free hand he stroked her hair and down her back.

"I'm here," he whispered. "I'm here."

After a few moments of rocking her gently, Severus stood with her in his arms. He could appariate right from the room they were in, to the dungeons. But should she see the massacre in the other room? Would it help her heal to see their corpses strewn across the floor? Or would it scare her?

She'd been watching his indecision and put her hand up to his face. "Its ok," she whispered. "I need to see. I need to know its finally over." He nodded tightly and carried her through the door.

The room's walls had been painted red with long, dark arcs of blood. Bodies were crumpled on the floor at unnatural angles. This wasn't the work of the killing curse. He'd either used some other, more ghastly spell or he'd used his hands and a blade. In the far corner she could barely discern the face of the man who'd attacked her. Apparently Severus had recognized him from her mind. He looked like he'd suffered hell's worst agony before he died.

_Good,_ she thought savagely. Immediately she felt remorse for the thought. He had been a human being, he deserved some humanity from her, didn't he?

_No, he doesn't. He was an animal that had to be put down. And I am glad I was the one who got to do it. I only wish I could have been here earlier._ Though his lips were close to her ear, Severus spoke in her head. She turned to look at him and saw the intensity in his eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"There is nothing to thank me for, Hermione. If it wasn't for me...they would have never taken you."

"Severus, don't. You can't hold yourself responsible."

"Can't I?" he drawled. There was pain under his words. "If I'd gotten here sooner I could have spared you."

"You saved me. You came for me."

"I will always come for you." His words were an oath. She felt them slide around her heart and squeeze tightly. He meant them with every fiber of his being.

"Take me home, Severus." She traced a line of blood that ran from his temple down to his cheekbone, wiping it away with her thumb. So much blood. So much death. She felt no remorse for their deaths, but she wanted the evidence of it washed away. She never wanted to look at it again. Severus nodded. "Wait! My wand!" She remembered it at the last moment. With a small smile, Severus produced it from his pocket. He handed it to her and she gripped it with her left hand. "Ok." She breathed a sigh of relief to have it back. "Take me home now."

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	23. Forever and For Always ch 7

_Another short little chapter for you all._

Chapter 7- Lights in the Sky, Nine Inch Nails

In the blink of an eye they were in the castle, in Severus' rooms and in the shower. He turned on the water with a flick of his wand and sank to the floor. They stayed like that, him cradling her as she sat curled up in his arms, while the water ran off of them dark with blood. Hermione watched it drain away. It was done. It was draining away. She was free. Severus had saved her. She clutched him tighter.

Severus kissed the top of her head and started to take her torn and stained clothes off. He moved slowly, aware than any sudden movement could jar her into a flashback. With infinite care he slipped the blouse off of her shoulders and let it fall to the shower floor. Then he moved his hands down to her pants. She cringed slightly but nodded against his shoulder, wordlessly telling him to take them off. Carefully he removed them so that she sat naked in his arms. She seemed so small there, so delicate.

When he realized that as he held her the blood running off from his clothes was getting onto her, he pulled his shirt off and over his head with one hand. Then he kicked off his boots and pants as well. They sat together, naked and sharing a cathartic embrace until the water started to cool. There was only so much that even an enchantment could do in the way of available hot water.

Slowly he stood and let her find her feet on the floor. She was unsteady at first, and leaned on him heavily. Severus fished his wand from the pocket of his pants and conjured a towel for her. In a moment he'd dried himself off as well and wore a pair of black pants. He set her down in the chair by the fire and knelt in front of her.

"Let me look at your wrist," he said softly. She held it out to him gingerly. He felt along it with his wand, not ever touching the skin. "Its crushed, Hermione," he whispered.

"I know. But I can't go to Madam Pomfrey. Please don't make me, Severus." Tears welled up in her eyes. Severus leaned up and kissed her forehead gently.

"I won't. Healing is not my specialty, but I've had enough experience to handle this if you'd like." When she nodded quickly, he pointed his wand at her wrist again and murmured softly. Pain danced up her arm as the bones reformed and knit back together. In a few more moments the pain was gone and she could move her fingers again.

"Thank you," she breathed. He held her hand up for inspection, thoroughly checking his work. He lifted each of her fingers one at a time and flexed them. Then he slowly rotated her wrist. Finally satisfied, he turned her hand over and placed a soft kiss in the center of her palm. She curled her fingers around the line of his jaw, savoring the contact.

"Hermione-" he broke off and shifted so he was looking right into her eyes. "There is something else I need to do." There was pain etched into his features. "I need to check for internal damage from your attack. Tearing, disease...pregnancy." He forced himself to keep his eyes on her, showing her that he wasn't afraid of whatever he would find. She tucked her chin and turned away from him. "Hermione, look at me." She kept her face hidden. "Hermione. Look at me." His tone was insistent, and his fingers touched her chin gently, turning her face. Her wide eyes searched his. "Its going to be alright."

"But..what if its not?" she whispered the words brokenly. He shook his head stubbornly.

"Whatever I find, it is going to be alright, I swear to you." He was so serious, his tone so sincere that she believed him. Whatever happened, they would be ok if they faced it together. She could survive anything with him by her side.

"Ok. Do it." She lifted her head and met his eyes bravely. More amazed with her by every moment, Severus slowly ran his wand from her shoulders down the length of her body. He slowed when he reached her stomach and the apex of her thighs. His brow furrowed in concentration. Then he let out a long sigh and looked up at her face.

"You are going to need some healing, but you will be fine."

"No..." she swallowed hard and forced the words out. "No pregnancy?"

"No."

"Oh thank gods," she breathed. She hadn't realized just how much she'd feared it until he released her from the fear. A small smile played on her lips. She reached out and brushed his hair from his forehead. "Can you do the healing here?" He nodded and took the hand that had stroked him and kissed her knuckles.

"I would rather use a combination of magic healing and potions though." Slowly he rose to his feet. Hermione nodded.

"Sure." She held out her hands for him to take and help her up. Warmth had seeped back into her bones and she felt like she could support her own weight. Severus _accio_ed her robe over to them and wrapped it around her. When she was encased in the soft fabric she wrapped her arms around him and simply held him. She let his strength support her, his love wash over her. The heat of his skin warming her more than a thousand fires ever could. She breathed deeply and drank in the scent of him. The man she loved, holding her safely in his arms.

Hours later, Hermione was completely healed. She'd taken every potion Severus had given her without complaint. And after his healing she felt better, everywhere. Then, despite knowing it was light outside- how long ago had it been since she'd been taken? A day? Two?- she let Severus lay her down onto the bed. He got in beside her and pulled her against his chest.

She was afraid to go to sleep, but exhaustion won over her terror of nightmares. She sank into unconsciousness. Severus felt her breathing deepen and knew she'd fallen asleep. He couldn't sleep, though he desperately needed it. He couldn't close his eyes. He needed to keep Hermione in sight or the terrible rage would consume him.

They were dead. He'd torn them apart. The man who'd hurt her had been punished beyond human endurance. It was over. So why couldn't he stop his hands from shaking?

Hermione murmured in her sleep, turning her body so she was more tightly pressed against him. He cradled her head and murmured softly in her mind. She calmed and sighed in her sleep. Severus watched her for hours. He eased her trembling when fear stole over her body. He soothed her mind when memories threatened to consume her. Finally, when she'd been sleeping peacefully for several hours, he forced his eyes to close.

Though he, Severus Snape, would never admit it to anyone, he cracked them open several more times, just to make sure she was still there, just to look at her. Just to reassure himself that she was safe.

_More to come! How will Harry and Minerva react to Hermione's rescue? How will Hermione's recovery go? Stay tuned to find out! Just to see what happens, I'll put this out there- If I get...say 5 reviews on this chapter today, I'll put up the next one before I go to bed tonight! : ) _


	24. Forever and For Always ch 8

_**You guys rock. As promised, here is the next chapter. Our story is drawing to a close, but there is still more to come!**_

Chapter 8- Run, Snow Patrol (told ya it would be back!)

It was morning when they awoke again. Hermione stretched slowly, idly wondering why her limbs were so stiff. Then it all came back to her. Her breath came in gasps as she fought the panic. Severus was awake instantly. He pulled her back against his chest and held her there. They breathed together for several minutes until her heart stopped racing. Then he dropped a kiss on her bare shoulder and hugged her. She turned in his arms and kissed him softly on the lips. He accepted the kiss but did not add anything to it. He let her move softly against him and take comfort in the kiss. Then she broke away and stood.

"Does anyone know what happened? I mean, does anyone know that I was taken?"

"Minerva does," he admitted. "I needed to let her know that I would be gone while I was getting you back."

"We should go tell her that I'm alright. She'll be so worried, I'm sure." Hermione started rifling through the closet and pulling on clothes. Severus stood and started to dress as well. In only a few minutes he was ready to go. Hermione, however, had put on and discarded several outfits. She dug through the closet wearing only a bra and underwear, seeming to search for something that wasn't there. When Severus caught sight of her face there were tears in her eyes.

"Hermione," he said softly. She turned and tried to put on a brave face for him.

"I can't seem to find-" a sob caught her. "Find the blouse I want-" her teeth caught her bottom lip to keep it from trembling.

"Come here," he whispered. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her into his arms. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing feels right," she admitted in a tearful voice. "I feel...exposed."

"Oh, Hermione," he pulled her tighter and let her cry. She released the tears she'd been battling. Sobs wracked her and she soaked his shirt with tears. Severus didn't complain. He rocked her slowly and let her cry. When her tears slowed, he tipped her face up so he could look into her eyes. "Maybe we can figure something out together." She shrugged miserably.

He rose and set her on her feet. Then he rifled through the closet until he found what he was looking for. It was a shirt of his, long-sleeved t shirt material worn soft. After she pulled it down over her head he grabbed the jeans he knew were her favorite and helped her tuck the ends of the shirt into it. Then he topped the whole thing with a long coat of his. It swallowed her and had enough spare material to be more like robes than a jacket, but she smiled at him when it was done.

"Thank you, Severus." She snuggled deeper into the jacket, inhaling his scent.

"You are mine, Lady Felicis. Mine to protect. Mine to defend. Mine to take care of. Thank _you_ for giving me that privilege" He looked her over once more. "But I do believe this outfit is missing something."

"Missing something?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Give me just a moment," he said. Then he slipped into the bathroom and found his discarded and stained pants. From the pocket he produced the little box. When he came back out, she was looking at him curiously. "I think," he said as he stepped close to her and took her hand in his, "that you are missing this." He opened the box.

Hermione gasped. She reached out her hand slowly, afraid the beautiful rings would disappear if she touched them. They were too exquisite to be real. Surely. Fine silver strands were woven together into an intricate braid. They formed the band. In the center, the delicate silver strands twisted into a sort of Celtic knot and held tightly among the threads of silver was a softly glowing clear stone. It looked like a diamond, but was too pure, too perfect, too vibrant to be a diamond. Inside the band, woven into the strands like a tapestry were the words, '_My Lady Felicis_.' Sitting next to the smaller ring was a larger one, fashioned exactly the same except for the stone. The larger ring only had a small row of emeralds crowning it.

Hermione finally drug her gaze away from the rings and looked up at Severus.

"They are beautiful," she breathed. "I've never seen anything more stunning. Wherever did you find them?" He shifted uncomfortably for a moment.

"I-" he stopped and cleared his throat. "I made them." He stood stiffly, waiting for her reaction.

"You _made_ them? Severus, they must have taken months! How did you learn to make something like this? They are so perfect!"

"You like them," he said, more as a hopeful statement than a question. In answer Hermione threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

"I love them!"

"Allow me," he murmured, pulling the smaller ring from the box. As she watched, it pulled apart. There was a very slim band that entwined flawlessly with the main ring. He put the band back into the box and slipped the ring on to her finger. "The others will go on after the wedding," he explained.

"Wedding bands. Matching wedding bands." There was wonder in her voice. "Severus." She pulled his face close to hers and sealed their lips together. This time he did not passively accept the kiss. He gave back as well. When they broke away they were both breathless. "Thank you. This is the most wonderful present I've ever received."

"Anything for you, Lady Felicis," he reminded her softly. She hugged him tightly.

"You're right. Now my outfit is complete." With a smile they left his rooms. He kept his arm protectively around her as they walked. The halls were nearly empty and he did a quick mental tally of the days. It had been two since she'd been taken. The students would return in one more day.

When they reached the headmaster's office, Hermione took a deep breath. Severus searched her face.

"Ready?" he asked gently. She nodded. "Licorice Whips," he said to the statue. It slowly opened and they went up the stairs. When they emerged into the room, they were greeted by a sea of faces.

"Hermione!" Ginny raced towards Hermione and hugged her tightly. Hermione hugged her friend back, but paled when Harry and Ron approached. Severus stepped in to wrap his arm around her once more. The boys looked at her questioningly but did not advance further. Several of the staff were in the room as well and everyone started talking at once. Finally Minerva called everyone to silence.

"Hermione," she said, relieved. "I am so glad to see you back and unharmed. Could either you or Severus please explain what is going on? We have been crawling up the walls with worry."

Hermione looked at Severus helplessly. Her shoulders shook softly.

_I will say what needs said, Hermione. No one will know more than they have to._ She nodded at him and relaxed.

"Hermione was taken by death eaters the day before yesterday. I managed to capture one of their group before he got away, and..._questioned_ him." Everyone in the room shivered at the way he'd said the word.

"Will this man be needing..." Harry trailed off, not knowing quite what to say.

"He will never be needing anything ever again," Severus said with menace. No one said anything. "When he told me where they had planned on taking her, I told you, Minerva, that I would be gone and then went there."

"You should have let us know what was going on," Ron interjected. "We could have helped you!" Severus only glared at the boy.

"They changed the location they were holding her at since I had captured one of their group and no doubt knew where the original location was. After sending out a tracer spell, I found where she was really being held." A few of the other staff looked at him in shock. A tracer spell was complex. It normally took several wizards several days to put one together. Yet Snape had done one on his own in so little time. "Then I went and..._retrieved_ her."

The collective shudder went through the group again.

"Are there any-" Harry was cut off before he could finish.

"No one touches her and lives," Severus hissed. A hush fell over the room. No one spoke. A few took a step back from him. He raised his head, daring anyone to challenge his decree.

"Of course you did what you had to do to get her back, Severus, but-"

"He saved my life, Minerva. If he hadn't done what he did, I would have died." Hermione's voice was clear and steady.

_You do not need to defend me to them,_ Severus whispered in her mind.

Yes, I do, she said wordlessly back. I won't have anyone judging you for what you did.

Severus shook his head but did not say anything. The rest of the people in the room looked from Harry to Hermione, to Snape. As an auror, it was Harry's job to deal with such things. Harry took a step towards Severus and the hush fell back on the room. He searched Hermione's eyes, then Snape's. After only a moment, he held his hand out to the elder man.

"Thank you," Harry said as Severus grudgingly took his hand.

"I do not require thanks for saving the woman who will be my wife," Severus said formally. Several people in the room gasped. Fuck secrecy. He wanted the whole damn world to know. He would shout it from the turrets of the castle if he needed to.

"All the same," Harry laughed. "Thanks." He turned to Hermione. Severus still kept her tight against his side and Harry didn't touch her. He just gave her a small half smile. "I'm so glad you're alright, Mione." A chorus of the same sentiments went through the crowd.

"Thank you, everyone," Hermione murmured to them all.

"If you all do not mind, I believe Hermione still needs more rest. I will be seeing after her, Minerva, no reason to bother Poppy."

The headmistress nodded and made her way over to them.

"You will be excused from classes for the rest of the week, both of you. Take your time and we will see you about your normal duties next week." she smiled at them brightly and shook Severus' hand.

"Thank you," Severus said grudgingly to her. He hadn't thought to ask for the extra time off, but it was a good idea. He wasn't ready to let Hermione out of his sight yet, anyways. Without another word they left the office and headed back to Severus' rooms.

_**What did you think of their reactions? Hope you liked them. And how about those rings, eh? I know I would have reacted that way, too! : ) Don't forget to take a moment and review!**_


	25. Forever and For Always chapter 9

***I fell behind a day on my schedule of putting out a chapter on Tuesdays! Sorry about that everyone! But lets face it, its not every day your best friend turns 25! I was distracted by a very fun night that may or may not have involved jello shots. And dancing. And accidentally walking in on a guy in the mens bathroom. (And why was I going into the mens bathroom to begin with, you might ask? Simple. Someone was already in the womens!) But anyways, thanks to my astonishing ability to never get a hangover, I am back up to speed today and have a chapter all ready for you. It has some sex (or _lemoney goodness_ as I've seen it referred to before) and lots of fluffyness. Hope you like it!***

Chapter 9- Iris, GooGooDolls, and I will Follow you Into the Dark, Deathcab for Cutie

The rest of the week had its ups and had its downs. Hermione still struggled with nightmares some nights. She could get pulled up short by something that reminded her of what had happened. Even Severus was still dealing with the effects. He could hardly let Hermione out of his sight without his heart racing. Whenever the memory of what had happened to her passed through his mind, his fists would tighten. They'd gone through three water goblets that way.

But the good days outweighed the bad. Severus was, as always, in awe of Hermione. Despite what had happened, she was still going on, still embracing life. Some of her cheerfulness had even started to come back. He had made her laugh to chase the lingering chill away. Stories of wild students, told in his drawling, deadpan tone made her laugh so hard her side ached. He told her about potions gone wrong in his class and the outrageous outcomes. She nearly cried from laughter when he shared the story of the Hufflepuff boy who had turned his legs into tentacles by splashing a poorly prepared potion on them.

As the days went by, her nightmares came less and less. She could take the awful memory of what had happened to her out of the box she kept it carefully locked away in and examine it for a while sometimes. She forced herself not to shake or cry. She would look at it analytically, using her brain as her defense against its power over her. Whenever she did this, Severus could sense it. He'd been tempted to tell her to stop, that she did not need to think about what happened ever again but he knew that this was beneficial for her. It was helping her heal. So he said nothing, but always remained a silent presence in her mind at those times. Offering comfort when needed, carefully observing to make sure she could handle it.

Their bond got stronger every day. It was no difficulty at all now for them to talk to each other wordlessly. And she could feel him against her in his phantom touch whenever he left the room. She thought that maybe he needed the contact as much as she did.

The only thing that wasn't back to normal yet was their bedroom activities. Severus held her, kissed her, comforted her, but would go no farther. He wanted to make sure she was absolutely ready before they resumed anything more physical than that. What she'd been through...it could come back and catch her off guard at any time. And he refused to be the one causing her that fear. So he ignored the urgings of his body when he got into bed with her.

The day before they were to return to classes, Hermione took the matter into her own hands.

In bed that night, she kissed him. He kissed back, hands wandering over her in a leisurely exploration. When her hand trailed down his stomach, though, he stopped her. She didn't let it trouble her. She carefully bit his lower lip and moaned his name. Instantly his body was aching. Still, he held her back. Her hands wandered other places, nails gliding across his back in a way that made him shudder in pleasure. Her lips traveled along his neck, his collar bone.

When he couldn't take it any more, he carefully set her away from him. Not to be put off, Hermione rolled on top of him and looked down into his eyes. Her hair hung like a curtain around them, cutting them off from the rest of the world.

"I need you, Severus."

"Hermione, I-"

"I need you," she repeated, playing her trump card, "to show me that you still want me." She stared down at him with her brows furrowed. Severus blinked at her, shocked.

"How could you possibly think.." He trailed off, then cursed softly. How could he refuse her? "Okay, Lady Felicis. Your wish is my command." He rolled her onto her back and settled between her thighs. Watching her carefully for any signs of distress, he slowly moved their bodies together. She fought down a wave of panic when he first brushed against her, not knowing whether to expect pain or pleasure. Severus hesitated, giving her time to calm her racing heart. Then he kissed her, long and hard until she forgot about everything but the two of them. He moved inside of her achingly slowly, touching her body tenderly. His thrusts were soft, gentle and left her panting for more. She dug her nails into his shoulders and lifted her hips up to meet him. Still he refused to go faster.

Finally, frustrated, she rolled him so that she was on top. He blinked up at her, hardly daring to believe the beautiful sight before him. Was she really his? Then she braced her hands against his chest and started to move, driving every thought from his head.

They came together, bodies quaking and moans torn from their throats. As Hermione lay sprawled across Severus' chest she left little trails of kisses against his skin. They dozed off, and then Hermione awoke a few hours later. She was still on top of him, her hand resting against what was once again a rather large bulge. A thought occurred to her, and she woke Severus by turning on the CD player.

He blinked sleepily up at her as Three Day's Grace _Pain_ started to play. When he realized what song it was, he sat up and looked at her curiously. She cupped him and licked her lips.

"No, Hermione." His voice was rough and his stare intense. "Do not even contemplate what I think you are contemplating."

"Severus," Hermione moved closer to him. "I need to know that they didn't take anything from me. Not a single thing. And I need to know that I'm not broken." She looked into his eyes and whispered, "Please."

His resolve crumpled. How could he deny her?

"You will tell me," he demanded severely, "if anything, _anything_ scares you. This isn't something I need, Hermione. Even if we never have sex like this again it won't bother me."

"But it will bother _me_," she insisted.

"Promise me," he demanded again.

"I promise, Severus."

With a slight nod of approval, he leaned down over her and pinned her hands above her head. His mouth took hers without quarter. Their bodies came together again, this time rough and hard. When Severus released her hands they tangled into his hair and tugged. He groaned and flipped her over. When he entered her again he had her hair wrapped around his fist while she gasped and moaned his name. Their pace increased, faster and harder, until they were both breathless and on the verge of release. Severus' hand moved down her back and landed against her ass in a hard slap that made her scream out. She shuddered and tightened around him, gripping him so tightly that he followed her into bliss.

They collapsed together, sweat dripping from their bodies. As their heart rates lowered, Hermione drew Severus' arm over her and drew lazy circles on it with the pad of her finger.

"Thank you," she whispered finally. He nuzzled the back of her neck.

"Thank _you_," he said with a wry smile.

"I mean it, Severus." Her voice was earnest. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being someone I can trust with my body, heart and soul." She whispered the words. Severus' arm tightened around her.

"You are welcome, Hermione." He paused and then continued. "And thank you."

"For what?"

"For loving me. For being a woman I can give myself to completely. For putting your trust in me."

"You're welcome Severus."

She was silent for so long that Severus thought she had gone to sleep when she spoke again.

"What would we have done...if...if I had been pregnant?" Her voice was so small he almost didn't hear her. His heart clenched at the hesitancy in her voice. He kissed her temple and rubbed his chin against the top of her head softly.

"We would have had a child. A son or a daughter that would never know anything but love from his mother and father." His tone was grave, voice rough. Hermione bit back a small smile as happiness bloomed inside of her.

"Do you want to have children, Sev?" She caught him off guard with the question, and he took a moment to respond.

"I never thought I would have the chance. With what I did before the war...it wasn't an option. Plus, the only woman I'd ever loved had married someone else. Then as time went by, I realized I would make a terrible father, even if I came through the other side of the war. I am mean and snide and short tempered." Hermione caught her breath as he spoke. She didn't know what she'd expected him to say, but this was not it. "But now.." His breath whispered across her skin and her heart paused, waiting. "With you, I can do anything, Lady Felicis. Even be a good father to our children. I want you to be the mother of my children, Hermione. I want a family with you." He kissed her temple again. "And I have no doubt that you won't _let_ me be anything less than an exemplary father."

This time Hermione didn't even try to bite back her smile. It broke over her face and she beamed up at him.

"Really?"

"Yes, really," he drawled with a smile.

"Severus Sape as a dad," she mused out loud. "I think you'll be magnificent."

"You're faith in me in more than I deserve," he said. "But appreciated none the less." Hermione yawned as sleep started beckoning her again.

"What do you think about seven?" Her sleepy question confused him.

"Seven what?" he asked, bewildered.

"Kids." She peeked one eye open slyly, a mischievous smile quirking her lips.

"HA!" He barked laughter, looking down at her to make sure she was joking. "I was thinking more like two."

"Four," she compromised with a cheeky grin.

"Why don't we start with one and see what happens," he reasoned with a smirk.

"Oh fine," she huffed in mock perturbance.

"Go to sleep, Lady Felicis." He settled in behind her and smiled against her. She snuggled closer to him and yawned again.

"I love you, Severus."

"I love you too, Hermione." He kissed her once more and stroked his hand down her stomach, stopping to hold his palm low on her belly in a loving caress. Where their children would grow one day. "_Forever and for always._"

********soooooo, what did you think? Take a minute and tell me! With how well this went last time, I'll make another deal with you all. Lets up the ante a little and say if I get ten reviews this time, I will put up the next chapter tonight or tomorrow. And guys...the next chapter is the last chapter! Who wants to read it?********


	26. Forever and For Always chapter 10 epilog

_***Soooooo, I didn't get quite the number I wanted, but the reviews I got were so good that I decided to post a day earlier than planned. I hope you all enjoy this has much as I did. I love Severus with kids! Also, if you have not read the Beetle and the Bard, I strongly suggest you at least look up the summaries of the stories on Wikipedia, as two of them are mentioned in here.****_

_Epilog _- Whole Wide World, Wrecking Eric

_Seven years later_

"No I want the pink one!"

"But look at this nice dark green one, Kresley. Wouldn't that be okay?" Severus tried to reason with his three year old daughter.

"NO! I want the pink one!" She pulled at the fluffy pink coat on the rack and stomped her little foot. When Severus still only looked down at her with his eyebrow cocked, She tried a different tactic. Her lips twitched down, big brown eyes filling with tears. "Please, daddy?"

Severus sighed. How the hell was he supposed to say no to that?! His daughter looked so much like her mother that denying her anything was nearly impossible. If the little chit wanted the fluffy pink monstrosity, she would get it. And of course he would have to carry her the rest of the day looking like he was holding a big pink marshmallow. He shuddered. Why oh why couldn't he have had another son?

_Because then you'd be denied the pleasure of learning how you look with a little pink accessory, _Hermione whispered in his mind.

Oh shut up, he thought back in amused annoyance. Its a good thing I love you all so damn much or there's no way in hell I'd do this.

_It __**i**_**s** _a good thing. We love you too. _He could feel the light kiss she brushed across his forehead and could hear the smile in her words.

"Fine," he growled. Other children that were in earshot looked at him in fear and then scattered. But Kresley smiled a big toothy smile and hugged her daddy's leg. Severus couldn't help smiling down at the little girl. She looked up at him and giggled.

"Ride! Ride! Ride!" Her singsong chant was so happy that he had to roll his eyes. Then Severus Snape walked up to the purchasing counter carrying a fluffy pink coat and with a three year old brunette clinging to his leg like a sack of potatoes. At the back of the store with his mother was a third year boy in his potions class. The boy gaped at the sight. Severus glared at him so darkly that the boy took an unintentional step closer to his mother and looked away.

"Stop glaring at students," Hermione chided behind him. Severus turned with a smile. She was holding three bags in one hand and had their five year old son's hand in her other.

"As it is summer, they are not my students at the moment," he drawled back at his wife. She pursed her lips and glared at him with mock ferocity.

"Severus Snape you be nice. Otherwise I won't show you what I've got in my bag here..." She winked and jiggled a bag that looked suspiciously nondescript. Had she taken a detour while their son was having lunch with his friends? Would whatever was in the bag be lacy? Silky?

"Fine," he drawled, feigning indifference. "No more scaring students." He flashed her a smile and then took the coat back from the saleswoman.

"No bag, no bag!" Kresley chanted happily. "I wanna wear it!" When Severus obligingly took the coat out of the bag she squealed in delight. Then she stuffed her little arms into it while Severus helped her pull it on. She looked adorable in it, like a little cream puff. But..._pink_. Why oh why did she have to love pink?

"Why don't we trade children? That one seems much more suited to my current color scheme." At Severus' drawled words Wulfric nodded seriously. The boy was dressed in dark green and black, much like his father. Hermione laughed and held out her arms for her daughter. Kresley ran to her mother and Hermione scooped her up and settled the girl on her hip. Free of anything pink, Severus let out a relieved sigh. He held out his hand to Wulfric, who took it without a word. "Remind me again why _I_ had to take the pixie shopping for a new coat?"

"You know exactly why, Severus. Next time Wulf has lunch with James and Albus and Hugo, you are more than welcome to go along and chat with Harry and Ron while the kids eat," she added sweetly. Severus shuddered.

"No, I think I shall take pink marshmallow treatment over _that_."

"I thought so," Hermione said with a smile. Then she turned to her son. "Wulf, you've been walking all day. I'm sure you're tired. Why don't you ask daddy to give you a shoulder ride?" Wulfric looked up at his dad with his eyes wide.

"Cuz shoulder rides are for sissies, right daddy?" The little boy's tone was grave. It pulled at Severus' heart. His son was far too serious. He was so much like Severus himself at that age. But Severus was determined that his son have a better childhood than he himself had lived. He knelt in front of the boy.

"No, Wulfric. Shoulder rides aren't for sissies." He chucked his son under the chin and was rewarded with a small grin.

"Ok then. Shoulder ride!" Wulfric put his arms up and Severus scooped him up around the middle. He took a step towards the door as if he didn't notice his son hanging like a sack under his arm.

"Alright then, off we go."

"No, daddy! Shoulder ride!" The little boy was giggling in between squeals of delight. Severus looked down as if he'd just noticed his son.

"Oh, you! That's right, you wanted a shoulder ride." He swung the laughing boy up and perched him on his shoulders. Wulf wrapped his little arms around Severus' head to hold on. Severus tipped his head to glance up at his son and smiled.

As they walked out of the store, Harry and Ginny walked in with their children. Wulfric waved down at little Albus.

"Harry," Severus said slowly with a nod in the other man's direction. There had been a distinct shift between them after Hermione had been rescued. Harry had known, through the Pensieve, that Severus had been working for over a decade to protect him and his friends. After that he respected his ex professor and even admired him. But when Severus brought back Hermione and married her six months later, Harry dropped any pretense of formality with him.

Much to Severus' astonishment, he even passed the name of Severus onto one of his own children. The little boy who was staring up at him somewhat fearfully, Albus Severus. How was he supposed to react to _that_? He'd never considered that he might be someone's namesake, let alone the grandson of James Potter. Lily's grandson. It was funny how things worked themselves out. Maybe this was how it was supposed to have been. Severus knew that Ginny was pregnant again, with a girl they intended to name Lily Luna. And Albus Severus would be her big brother. Fate was giving a second chance to a Severus. To be what he should have been from the beginning. A brother to Lily.

"Severus," Harry greeted him back with a smile. "Here Wulf, you left your toy broomstick at the ice cream shop." He pulled a toy broomstick from inside his cloak and held it up to the boy. Severus looked at it disdainfully, one eyebrow cocked.

"Toy broomstick?" he drawled quietly. Wulfric looked down at his father quickly, and then emulated the look on his face perfectly. He raised a dark brow at Harry and narrowed his green eyes.

"Toy broomstick?" he repeated in a little boy version of Severus' quiet baritone. Harry looked confused for a moment, looking from father to son with comically mirror expressions. He was torn between the desire to laugh out loud and to take a step back from them.

"Er, maybe it was Hugo's. I'll just give it to Ron when I see him." He went to put the little broom under his cloak again and Wulfric made a sound of distress.

"Wait!" He finally broke from his father's demeanor and reached his hands out towards the broomstick. "It is mine. Don't give it to Ron. Hugo's already got one." The little boy took the broomstick and Severus looked up at his son while he clutched the broom and Severus' head at the same time. "I wanted to play quidditch with Hugo and James and Albus," he whispered to his father. "I know _we_ don't like quidditch, daddy, but it looked fun, just to play for a little..."

Severus lifted the boy from his shoulders and cradled him in his arms. He looked into his son's eyes and spoke.

"Wulfric, you can enjoy quidditch if you wish."

"But you-"

"I have no problem with having a son who plays quidditch. Just as long as when you're in school you never let this lot beat you in a game." He gestured down to Harry's boys. Wulf's face scrunched up.

"What if I get put in Gryffendor with them?" His tone was so distressed that Severus almost laughed. Of course there would be no question that Harry Potter's children would be in Gryffendor. But Wulfric? Was it possible that he would end up in Gryffendor too? Severus thought back to what Albus had once told him about his own house placement. His son was certainly brave enough for it...

"If you do, then just make sure you play better than they do. But don't worry, you're much too smart to end up in Gryffendor." He laughed softly at the puzzled look on his son's face. "No, Wulf, you would be just fine in Gryffendor if that is where you end up." Though Severus would probably pull the brim right off of the damn sorting hat if it put his son in with that lot.

"We can still be friends if I'm in Gryffendor, right daddy?" Wulf whispered to his father.

"Of course Gryffendors and Slytherins can be friends. Your mommy was a Gryffendor." Severus looked up when Hermione elbowed him. She jerked her head at Harry. Severus sighed, hardly able to believe what he was about to say. "And...and Harry and I are ..." He couldn't believe what he was about to say. He tried to hide his grimace. "Are _friends_, and he was a Gryffendor as well."

Harry blinked at Severus and slowly smiled. Severus glared at the other man. As he walked by, he said in a low voice, "Don't let it go to your head, Potter."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Professor," Harry said back with a laugh.

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That night, Severus finished reading a the story of Babbitty Rabbitty to his son and daughter and tucked them into bed. He still could not help but sneer the name Babbitty Rabbitty every time he spoke it, which was probably the reason his children asked him to read it so often. They enjoyed the way his voice dripped disdain when the charlatans proclaimed Babbitty had turned into the crab apple tree. He would mutter under his breath, 'really, what idiot would think the rabbit had turned into an apple tree?' which always caused Wulfric and Kresley to fall into peels of laughter.

When they were fast asleep, he kissed their foreheads and looked down at them, watching them sleep. When he'd thought about children before, it had been in an abstract, like "my children will never behave so ridiculously," or "my children shall posses more intellect than that, surely." He could never picture faces in his mind, could have never imagined the feel of a child's hug. But having them here, seeing them, was something that took his breath away.

He knew he wasn't ideal for fatherhood. He'd meant what he'd said to Hermione all those years ago. He was snide and short tempered. But with them...it was like they were inside a secret chamber in his heart that could not be touched by his usual disdain. Things that other children did that would make him sneer, he only smiled indulgently at when his own children did. He'd thought he would have no patience for crude drawings of rainbows or stick figure families. But when his children drew them they were treasured, displayed proudly on his desk.

"Babbitty Rabbitty again?" Hermione asked from behind him as she slid her arms around his waist and kissed his shoulder. He turned in her arms and gave a disgusted sigh.

"Of course." He sounded thoroughly fed up with it, but she knew he would read it to them as many times as they asked. She giggled. "Something funny, Mrs. Snape?" He arched a brow.

"That's Professor Snape, to you," she retorted sternly.

"Ah but I prefer another title for you, my Lady Felicis." He tipped her chin up and kissed her softly. She smiled against his lips and pulled back.

"You know, I don't think I've ever heard you read the Warlocks Hairy Heart to them," she mused.

"Nor will I ever," he said abruptly. Hermione looked at him curiously. She didn't ask, just waited for him to explain. "It...it reminds me too much of myself."

"You hardly have a hairy heart," she pointed out.

"Hermione, I hid my heart away in a box for years. And then there was you...and my heart could just as easily have gone savage like in the story. I could have been the death of you. Even if just in spirit. I would rather have cut my heart from my chest than destroyed yours."

"There is nothing savage about you, Severus." She paused when he raised his brow again. "Well, except in ways we both thoroughly enjoy. You aren't like the warlock, Sev. You're heart is just the same as its always been. But I don't mind you skipping that story. It has such a sad ending. Children need happy endings, I think."

"Life isn't full of happy endings, Hermione, no matter how much we wish it otherwise."

"In another world, you might have died the night Nagini bit you. In another world I might have ended up married to Ron!" She laughed at the repulsed look on his face. "But that's not this world. We got a happy ending, Severus. And so will they."

"Knowing my luck, Kresley will end up married to James." His lip curled in disdain.

"And if she does, and he makes her happy, you will be happy for her."

"If I must," he sniffed. Hermione laughed quietly.

"You must." She patted his chest. "Take me to bed, Severus." He didn't just take her hand and lead her to their bedroom. He swept down and slung her over his shoulder. She screeched in laughter and slapped a hand over her mouth. She glanced at the children, who had slept through her outburst. She squirmed and laughed and Severus' hand came down hard on her backside and he growled over his shoulder at her as he strode towards their room.

"Don't make me come back there." Then he put her on the bed. Hermione was up in an instant, pushing him down and straddling him.

"Oh, you'll pay for that, Professor." She pulled her shirt off over her head and tossed it onto the floor. He sat up, wrapping his arm around her back and pulling her close to him.

"I prefer Husband, _if_ you don't mind."

"Oh, I don't mind at all." She smiled and kissed him.

An hour later as they lay in each other's arms slowly drifting off to sleep, Hermione rolled closer to him and traced the line of his cheekbone, his eyebrow, his lips.

"You cannot possibly want more," he said sleepily.

"With you, I always want more," she replied. He opened his eyes and a gentle smile curved his lips. "But that's not what I was thinking about just now."

"Oh?"

"Do you remember when we first talked about having children?"

"Yes," he said slowly. His brow furrowed as he wondered where she was going with this.

"And you remember that I said I wanted seven?"

"And I said two."

"But then we settled on four."

"No, then I said we should start with one and go from there." What was she getting at?

"Well what would you think of...three?" Her teeth caught her bottom lip and she searched his eyes.

"Hermione...are you telling me what I think you are telling me?" His voice was low and disbelieving. Wide eyed, she nodded. A slow smile crept over Severus' face. It widened until he was beaming at her. "Really? You're sure?" She nodded again. "What is it?" he asked excitedly, like a little kid at Christmas.

"I'm not sure yet. Its too early to tell." She breathed a little sigh of relief. She knew he wouldn't be angry...but she was so pleased that he was reacting this excitedly.

"Could you just _try_ and make it a boy then?"

Hermione laughed. "Its not up to me. The man determines the sex of the baby, you know that." Severus glanced down at his own anatomy and grimaced. Instead, he turned and addressed himself to her stomach.

"You in there. Think masculine thoughts." He sounded so stern that she laughed again.

"And what exactly, would be the problem with having another little girl?" She put her arms around him as he moved back up the bed and settled in next to her. "I think you handle the pink situation rather well."

"Oh the pink I can handle," he drawled. "Its the thought of possibly having _two_ daughters married to Potters that will keep me up all night!"

*****Well, what did you think? I sincerley hope that you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It as truly been wonderful. And I'd like to give one last, hearty thank you to all the people who reviewed this story for me. I enjoy each and every one. I'd also like to thank Nessiebug again for her funny ideas for pet names, HayBailes for writing a story with such a great Severus that I just had to try my hand at writing my own, and of course BranowynIvy for reading everything I write as soon as it is put on page-what else are sisters for? : )

I will give everyone who wants more to this story two rays of sunshine! First, I have written a little scene between SS and HG that is purely sex and even though it could stand on its own, I have added a little bit at the end of it that will tie it into this story for those of you that want a little peek into their bedroom! I warn you though, its much more explicit than the sex scenes in this story, so mature readers only! I will post it tomorrow, not in here but as a seperate story. : )

Aaaaaannnnddddd...I have been working on another SSHG story! It isn't with _this_ Severus and Hermione, but I think its pretty good all the same. Its longer, darker, and has a very snarky Severus with a very scary past. I will probably start editing it and put out at least a teaser chapter this weekend!*****************

_**Update: The little sex scene is up and posted as Dominated in Detention. The new full SSHG story is up and going as well, called The Cure. Happy reading!**_


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